The Lost and Hidden Years

Chapter Fourteen

The dreadful days had turned to weeks. The new year had passed, and Agnetha along with the rest of the family entered the new century at his bedside. Lena was worried about how long this was going to go on for. He missed Christmas with her, missed the New Year, Emma's birthday and now their anniversary was missed as well.

What more will he miss? His children graduating, getting married, having children of their own? She couldn't forgive Agnetha for this. She won't know how to continue to hold their family together if anything should happen.

It was now two and a half weeks with the same suffering. The pain wasn't going anywhere, and it had traveled with Agnetha from the hospital, to her home, to family or friends' homes. It was an additional melancholy shadow, that carried the crippling fear he was gone. This fear led her back to the hospital to be at his side.

Lena and her girls had coincidentally run into Agnetha, and it was perhaps the fourth time that happened. Agnetha left his hand immediately, and left the room giving them the chance to be with him.

Her chest carried heavy weight and there was no one to speak to turn to. The secrets she held were between her and herself, and an unconscious Björn. The therapist she began seeing gave her two hours a week, but Agnetha needed more for her peace of mind.

She found herself at the steps of the altar in the empty chapel. Unable to hold herself together, she dropped to her knees and sobbed. She tried to keep her head up, to remain strong for herself and her children, but it was no longer bearable. Her heart was shredding. The weight of her guilt was enough. She didn't want to live without him. She couldn't live with the burden that she's the reason his life would be taken away from him... from his children, from his wife and from her.

"Please," she cried. "Have mercy on us," she looked up to the cross, but her eyes clouded her vision with the fresh tears ready to pour out. "I can't sit and watch him like this anymore. I can't," she cried. "I can't. I ca–"

The future was dead in her eyes. Her desperation had gotten the best of her, breaking her down hopelessly and helplessly.

Linda and Anna had followed to find her, but have unexpectedly come across the sight of her. Anna was ready to push through the doors to meet her and help her up, but Linda stopped her.

"I'll do anything. Protect him. Bring him back to me."

"Don't," she put her hand on her sister's shoulder. "Don't worry. She needs to cry and get it off her chest. Just let her. She's going to be okay." Linda's tears began to stream down affected by the sight of her mother. Anna didn't like the sound of it, but she obeyed.

After a long cry, Agnetha was seated in the brown wooden pew. Her head was bowed against her hands as she finally found peace. Agnetha's puffed eyes finally began to rest. She was so peaceful she could have fallen asleep.

"Mama?" Linda shook her shoulder. Agnetha shot up, delirious of where she was. "Let's go home and rest. Come on," she helped her up.

Agnetha didn't refuse. She felt weak and exhausted in need of a bed. For the first time, Agnetha was able to eat a full plate. She was hungry and the rumble in her stomach made her uncomfortable. Through the miserable two weeks she had lost so much weight. Her face has become longer, appearing very restless. She had no will to look after herself, not when Björn's well-being is the only thing on her mind.

By the time she had finished, Linda helped her prepare a bath and pajamas. A hot bath and lavender allowed Agnetha to relax well. Her daughter had helped her into bed afterwards. Linda decided this night she would stay beside her, hoping the next morning would take it easy on the family, but in fact, what you hope isn't always what you get.