My Hijab,Jake and I.

Chapter Sixteen/Childhood promise

A/N: salam and hey

I just want to say a belated Eid Mubarak to all my fellow muslim readers. I hope you all had a lovely and special time amongst your loved
ones, I know I did Alhumdulilah Hence the late update.
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Thank you

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Medina

A few hours later

I’m on my prayer mat seeking forgiveness from my lord. The tears are streaming down my face as I pray wholeheartedly. Closing my eyes ,my hands up in prayer, I plead to my Saviour.

I don’t know what came over me when I responded to Jake earlier. The way he touched me, kissed me ,no matter how much I struggled I knew that I would eventually lose the battle within.

I had to run and when I had to resort to biting for him to let me go  I was absolutely mortified. I wish that it never happened, especially the kissing for it will now only encourage him more and I'm more afraid of my reaction to him if he does corner me again.

I'm all over the place, he makes it so difficult. I don't know why he has this power of me, the moment his near, my whole body goes haywire.

He knows damn well what he was doing. God..I wish I can hate him. I wish I can switch off my feelings with a click of my fingers. I wish I can just be normal around him and not blush like a friggin fool everytime he looks or comes near me. I wish..I wish..I wish.

Leaving the community center on the pretenses of not feeling well made me feel guilty at lying to Mamma, her look of genuine concern added more to my misery, but I had to escape. I didn't want to see Jake after what happened. I was more scared of making an extra fool of myself for I knew that my reaction to him especially after that kiss would give me away.

Damn him. Damn him for pushing my buttons and damn Hassaan the idiot for letting him know about the coming engagement. I suppose Hassan is not really to blame as in our pasthun community everybody and I mean everybody knows your business whether you want them to or not.

It's like a mutual understanding. You don't need a game of chinese whispers in our community. For example if your a pashtun then your practically related to every pashtun no matter how near or far. You have ‘’cousins’’ here and there and everywhere. And you know ‘’ every pashtun's’’ life .

Yep, we are a proud lot ... but also human and we also have our weaknesses such as not minding our own bloody business when required, hence Hassan and his big mouth. Ughhhhh.

I finish Prayer and soon I lose myself in the holy book. The chapter ‘’Yaseen’’ always have a calming effect on me amongst others. It's one of my favourite. Soon peace overcomes me and although I still have a heavy heart and feel guilty I know that as long as I repent my lord will not forsake me.

Sleep however  was a lost cause. I kept  reliving the damn kiss again and again and Jake's threat of breaking up the engagement that wasn't even confirmed yet. I know that I shouldn't take his

threats lightly. The way he acted earlier confirmed that he would do everything to sabotage it.

I have known that boy all my life and once he sets his mind at something he will to his utmost

damnmest to succeed.’

When Abu Jan approached me a week after my sixteenth birthday I knew that he wanted to discuss something serious. Mamma had a wary expression on her face but like a dutiful wife she sat next to Abu Jan. Then he went into a very long detailed conversation about wanting a good life for his children, especially his daughters as they are the honour of the  household.