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Zahir Maurice Brown:Moraine Lake, Canada1 year later

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Zahir Maurice Brown:
Moraine Lake, Canada
1 year later...

"If I die before you I don't wanna be buried, I want you to get this huge boat and I want everybody we care about on it, and I just wanna boat across the Moraine Lake in Canada."

"Zar you want your dead body to float across a lake? We can't cremate you first?" I asked chuckling.

"No cremate me after, I wanna stay in mom and dad's house I don't ever wanna leave that house. I love it." She said

"Well good thing I'm dying first, and when I die? I want y'all to have a party but I wanna be buried in my favorite car." I said making her laugh.

"Of course you do you big dummy." She said shaking her head. "I love you big brother." She said laying her head on my chest. Her arms wrapped around my waist tightly. I kissed her forehead.

"I love you more Zar." I replied.

"Ion need no sad shit at my funeral either though, when you done telling people how great I am I want you to play some of dad's music, I want some Post Malone, I want some of mom's music, oh and especially Tete Lani music cause she be jamming boy she got some hot shit."

"This is hard for me.." I said into the microphone as we floated slowly across the Moraine Lake. "This is what she wanted, she just wanted everybody here surrounding her she wanted to float across this lake with just us. Zaria was a fighter, she was crazy, she was stubborn and I know this is hard for my parents because no one should ever have to bury their child. I know this is hard on you Joseph, you're a single father and I know my beautiful niece never got to meet her mom, but she is here because her mom was soldier. Zaria Giselle Brown, I hope you're at peace, I hope you're looking down on us and you're happy, while we are sad and mourning I hope you're happy." I wiped my tears. "She said she ain't want no sad shit, so we gone take the next 15 minutes of being sad but then I'mma need the DJ to play those people and those songs I have you. This ain't nothing to be sad about, god called an angel home early, and she is with us still. Watching over us, protecting us, and loving us when we don't feel like anybody else does." I said stepping back from the podium, Brielle took a step onto the step she fixed the microphone so that it was near her mouth.

She just stared at Zaria's lifeless body before she said anything. She wiped her tears and cleared her throat. "I feel so incomplete, I don't laugh the same, I don't laugh much actually...I called her for everything and vice versa. When I woke up at night to go pee I would FaceTime her because shit I was scared and she did the same thing. We did everything together, went to kindergarten we didn't make friends because we said we were too exclusive." She chuckled. "Our freshman year of high school? We were the shit, we went through boys like little kids went through candy on Halloween. We didn't really catch feelings that was our pact, but then I fell in love with big head back here and she fell for tattoo face over there." Everybody started laughing. "I see her in that beautiful little girl that she created everyday. She left us a piece of her and I know I'm not her mother but I will be everything that Zaria was supposed to be. She made me the god mom because she knew that if anything ever happened to her I would be there for her little girl. Yeah she has her dad but she ain't gonna wanna talk to her dad about boys." She said and I chuckled.

"We've had some terrible things happen to us in this family, but I can say this is the hardest thing ever. We have gotten through a lot and how we gone get through this? I don't know but we have each other to lean on. She was the ying to my yang, this is so hard seeing her like this is so hard but she told me if we spent more than 2 hours crying over her she was gone strike me cause I'm supposed to continue being the life of the party for both of us. So let's-"

"Ma-ma!" Mercy shouted pointing to Zaria's picture and I closed my eyes letting the tears fall. That broke my heart, and I don't know how I was gone mske it through this but I was. My baby sister was gone and reality was really settling in now.

I opened my eyes and Joseph had picked Mercy up. "Let's get these speeches over with and be the life of the party." Brielle said her voice cracking. I helped her down off the step and my mom, dad and Joseph walked into the stage.

Joseph stepped onto the podium first with Mercy in his arms. "I fell in love with Zaria the moment I laid eyes on her, and she told me the first time she laid eyes on me that she didn't do guys with tattoos on their face."

"Da-da.." Mercy said pinching his nose.

"Daddy tryina talk baby hold on." He said moving her hand. "The first night I took Mercy home, she cried and cried and I didn't know what to do. Doing this by myself is definitely a challenge, I see Zaria in Mercy everyday, and it hurt but it's heart warming. Somehow I feel like this is my fault, but I can't regret it because I gained a miracle from all this pain. I know that if Zaria were alive and still pregnant and knew she would die from having Mercy she would tell me to make sure that our baby was okay and let her go. I didn't get to tell her how much I loved her, I didn't get to propose, I don't get to have petty little arguments with her anymore, I don't get to wake up to her in my arms every morning anymore. I love you Zaria, and I need you to continue to guide me on how to raise our baby girl." He said, he stepped back letting my dad take the podium next.

"This right here is why the men in this family appreciate you women for having our children. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, but it's scary. Giving birth is the most unpredictable thing in medicine if you ask me, you could die from just feeling too much pain and you women do it, how do you do it? How are you guys this fearless and strong? My baby girl was scared but she still did it, she didn't go and abort her baby. Multiple times a day she would text me and tell me how scared she was to have the baby, but she didn't want to abort it. She was scared but she didn't let that stop her, I raised that. I raised a warrior, Zaria always knew what she wanted. You could tell her over and over no that ain't good for you, or no Zaria that ain't a good idea and she still would do it because she was always so sure. I trusted her to go out in the world and make great decisions and she did. She found a man that adored her no matter how hard it was to deal with her he stood by her. He is an amazing father, and we stand behind you 100 percent Joseph. Beyonce almost died having all 3 of my kids, but she did it she had 3 of them for me. Though this is heart breaking, I know that God has her. I love you princess." He said he stepped down and then grabbed my mom's hand helping her up.

"I was in the waiting room, and Trinity said Zaria wanted me because she was scared..." She trailed off. "I went in that room and I gave her a speech about how it's no longer about her, it was about Mercy. She gave birth to her, and the last thing she said was 'I love you mommy', and I'm so happy that I got to tell her i loved her so much more before she left us. Zaria was my most difficult pregnancy, she did not want to breathe. Trinity was up in there fighting with her ass." She said making the crowd laugh. "But my baby pulled through and she was a daddy's girl yes she was, but it felt so good that she wanted her mommy when she got scared. No one really ever seen her get scared, but when she did get scared? I was mommy and not ma or mom. Though Chris protected her she felt safest when I held her and told her everything was going to be alright. Zaria was my child that was stubborn and she bullied her way into whatever she wanted, yes so what she got it from her mama, but she was superwoman. She is my hero. I love you Zaria Giselle Brown." She said, my dad helped her off the podium, she made her way over to Zaria. She placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Now a moment of silence for Zaria please, if hear so much as a deep breath I'm shooting somebody." Auntie Robyn said as she stood up. Everybody got quiet and all you heard was the sound of the water. It was soothing, Mercy got up from her seat and ran and hugged auntie Robyn's leg. She looked up at auntie Robyn and auntie Robyn smiled shaking her head as she picked her up kissing her cheek.

She laid her head on her shoulder, and I smiled. We had a piece of Zaria still here....

~~~~~~~

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