Abandoned wife

Chapter 28 Second Chance

It was December when she last saw him. Winter passed away and spring is knocking on the corner. Ots not that she doesn't want to meet him. She want to meet him everyday. There is certain itch to go to his place and check how is he doing. There is desire to catch one glimpse of him. Just one glimpse is enough. He often came to pick Akshita but windows of his car never rolled down. She tried her best, kept her eyes glued to his car but never get a chance to saw him. There was frequent phone calls of him and she without wasting a second hand her phone to Akshita. Is she even deserve that? Probably no, she disrupted his already broken soul. How can she face him with all this burden.

Smita opened her newly purchased diary. After all this chaos in her life she decided to keep her matter to herself. Its no point to discussing her life with anyone as no one is going to solve her problem. She has to solve the problem so solution should be come from within. She opened the cap of pen and start writing things she is unable to say.

This days I felt so ashamed of myself that I can't face myself in mirror. Whenever I saw myself in mirror I find a woman who destroyed life of an innocent. I feel, I broke a picture made from many broken pieces. I regret my decision of sleeping with him that night. What occurred in my mind so I took that stupid decision. How on the earth I followed advice of Raina who was bachelor back than. Forget about Raina, why I followed advice of some outsider. Marriage is between two individuals so why one should allowed others to make judgement. I wish I hadn't took that route.

I wronged him like everyone else. His father had responsibility to protect him from world but he crashed his spirit. His mother failed to heal his scars. His siblings were as helpless as him. His granddad was head of family but failed to sense wrong in his household. His teachers wronged him and made him a criminal. Why on earth that woman abused an innocent boy. There is plenty of men ready to have fun outside marriage. Why she install hate in his heart regarding opposite gender. She made sex a disgusting and loathe some thing for him.

I topped the list of worngdoers. I was his life partner. I promised to be with him during thick and thin. I promised to share happiness and sorrow. What I did? I tricked him. I run away on slightest tussle. I reconciled to fool him. I truly betrayed him.

His barbaric treatment still fresh in mind. I can't forget anything. The touch which should awake pleasure, terrify me. His condition is ten times worse than me.  I understand what he felt. Each time we consumate, we kissed, we touched, must have  refreshed his abused.

His ignorance, last moment cancelling our meetings and that outburst in court.Everything makes sense now. I have all answers but everything is useless. I pushed him away with each step. Now he is gone too far from me.  I destroyed every thing around me and I hate myself for that.

Smita closed diary with heavy heart. She is not able to digest the hard hitting truth after so many months. He is on her mind every time but she did not forward a step towards him.
She lie on the bed, flipping channels on the tv,without Akshita tv isn't fun. Little monster of hers went to her father's place. Nowadays she doesn't have a schedule. Some times she stay here and sometimes she stay with her father. She is having best of both worlds and Smita is pretty happy with this development.

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"Its been months Mr. Ranawat, you came here, sat  and left. You need to break this cycle ." Vaibhav, renowned psychiatrist in the town said calmly.

"I told you, write some medicine and cure me." Akshay said in bored tone

"You have to tell me your problem for that." doctor tried to negotiate with him.

"I hadn't wanted a kid." Akshay sighed and doctor noted down it in patient journal.

Since last  few months Akshay regularly visiting this psychiatrist for his issues. He doesn't want to break down in front of his daughter. He doesn't want her to witness his beast. He already scared Smita to the extent that she hadn't shown her face till date. He can't blame her for that. He was on rampage at that day. Any sane person will be worried for his life. He wanted to bark in her house and confronts her for her ignorance . She is avoiding him for last few months. He didn't catch her glimpse in all this time. He want to apologise to her for his bad behaviour. He did not want to ask for second chance. He knew he is not worthy for that. He just wants things to be cordial between them for Akshita's sake.