Abandoned wife

Chapter 29

I went to Hauz khas today. Weather was very pleasant today and I had great time exploring the place. Everything was going great till that unexpected event happened. I met Akshay. Our meeting was very normal and casual like nothing happened between us.

We shared most painful time of our life with each other excluding brief period of our blooming romance. That was romance for me. I don't know what it was for him, may be an obligation or duty.

I didn't expected our meeting to be like this. I thought I'll never be able to face him again. How I can stand in front of him with pride and dignity. I imagined that one day I'll get courage and apologised to him but nothing happened like I planned. We met, converse and part. It look mechanical but it was not. I can't comprehend what I felt in that moment, probably I was shocked or something. Moment which I imagined so many times , came and passed .

I thought I'll took his appearance in , closely look him, memorise his face but  I didn't look at him and whole world disappeared. I was well aware with my surrounding infact I was more aware .I have very blurry picture of him. I think I am starting to loose my concentration and memory. What's happening with me and what's happening with him.

He talked like a long lost relative. He talked about untold love stories of Delhi. Is it matter of talk after that outburst? Normal people ask about well being of each other what we did is beyond understanding.

I act like a really stupid person. How can I stood such low? I stood there dumbfounded. I am turning into a clueless idiot. I am such a disappointment. What example I am setting for Akshita.

Smita closed her diary after writing her thoughts. Nowadays this diary is her best friend. She writes whatever came in her mind. She became over analytical and self critical person after that revelation. She judge and evaluate her every action.
"Am I doing right?"
"Am I hurting other person?"
This kind of questions constantly ran in her mind.  Her each step is cautious and thoughtful. She didn't wants to hurt another person like she did with Akshay. This things make her distant from the ongoing conversation. She looks lost most of the time.

"Mummy." Akshita catch her attention and she focused fully on her.

"What are you writing?" she asked looking towards the closed note  book.

"Nothing special"

"oh"

"but when I'll write something special I'll read it for you." Smita pick her and make her sit in her lap. Akshita's face lit up.

"So what you want to eat today?" she asked.

"Chicken alfredo." she said her choice

"but we don't have..

" Mary granny cooked it and I want to eat it" Akshita interrupted her. Over the months Akshita devloped a liking towards Mary's food. That old lady cook excellent dishes and Chicken Alfredo is her speciality. She is another reason for Akshita to spend time with Akshay. Akshita loves food. She is big time foody and when she carved something she get it by hook or crook. This side of her personality devloped after spending time at Akshay's place.

" Okay."

Akshay sent the driver to pick up Akshita and Smita is alone for rest of the evening. She decides to cook mix vegetable curry and Roti. It took her an hour to prepare the meal. She ate it quietly while checking whatsapp messages.

Kiss was magical . I am waiting for our next date.

Smita received message from Mr. kapur, a widower whom she start seeing recently. She liked this person initially but... She feels off after the kiss.

"You are a gentleman Mr. Kapur who treated me very well. The time I spent with you is wonderful but I can't not continue this."

"What went wrong?"

"Everything was perfect from your side. I need some more time to move on."

"Okay"

She finished her meal and washed her dish. She clean the kitchen. She sat on the chair, placed at the porch . After spending few months with Akshay she start loving solitude. Its difficult to connect with other people. Everyone's instagram stories and whatsapp status were filled with happy pictures with friends and family. Nowadays she has nothing flaunt.

She became sensitive with close proximity to anyone. It makes her uncomfortable. She can't tolerate anyone's touch and her senses screams to run away. Everything was going smooth with Mr. Kapur till this face to face meeting. His touch disgusted her and that kiss is final nail in the coffin.

"I was not like this." she mumbled and tears fall from her eyes. She cried enough but still tears make its way in her life. She knows she can't live like this. She needs to apologize to him. She knew he will not forgive her but still she will go. She wished to run away but this time she will not run away.

"I am not doing this to increase proximity with him." she repeated to herself .

"I am doing this because its necessary. I'll not cause any further damage. I'll not hurt him. I'll keep my hand to my side. I'll not touch him. I'll just say a sorry." she resolved mentally.

***********

Akshay regret crossing paths with Smita. He troubled the poor soul enough and  she deserve a fresh start. He wanted to refrain himself from her but God know what occurred in his mind and he stopped her. He not just stopped her but invited her on friday.He has enough in the plate and he asked much more.

What story he wanted to tell her and what is the need for. What is the need to tell that  sher of Amir khusro. He is not the teenager or man in love to do anything to grab attention of a woman. This is wrong on all front. He will not tell any love story to her, that is the right decision. He will apologize to her for that day.  That day he scared her to death. It will not happen in future. He will be behave like a civilian and keep his emotions in check. If she touched him, he will not loose his calm.

He reached home and Akshita is troubling  maids. She is instructing them to do some weird stuff. They are acting like cartoon characters and she is laughing with Mary. She saw him and approached him.

"Father." she said and Akshay smiled. He still have long way to go to achieve affectionate name from his daughter. She acknowledge him as her father but didn't address him as ' daddy or papa' like everyone does. Its always father  which is so close yet so far.

" Father" she said again and he bend  to her height looking directly in her eyes. "I want to stay here tonight." she expressed her wish and Akshay nodded in agreement.

His daughter asked something for the first time. He can't denied her but staying alone with her awoke all his insecurities. Memories of his father hurting him when he was alone came on the surface. His palm sweats and breathing rises. He ran to his room and lock himself. He need immediate help. He can't suppressed his beast nor hurt his daughter who is few feet away. In  desperation he dialed a number who probably help him.