"I usually don't do this but I'll do it for you.
Missing you is way too hard to do. Ill rather be loving you
Do you mind if I give you love because I just want to give you love"
Hospitals was a place Nola hated. Its where she lost both her parents...
Daddy would be 46 today. Damn he was gonna be old.
Momma only 38
I was at the cemetery. I see his tombstone
"Mickey Ray Esmeralda June 22,1972-October 3,2013
Loving Father,Son,Brother,Uncle and Husband"
"Hey daddy, I know its been a while since i've been up here. Im sorry, its just alot has been going on with moma and Nola and everything. Im here now. Happy birthday Mickey Mouse.
OH! I forgot to tell you about Nola and me. We are together now. I told her. Im actually happy with her, like really happy. After everything with Gaël and the baby, she is fresh. Im leaving all that in the past daddy. So whats been going on up there? You meet your grandson yet?"
I sat starring at his tombstone.
I felt somebody sit next to me. It was my mom.
She didnt say anything. She just put down her flowers and put her head on my shoulders.
I heard her crying. The 3rd time ive EVER seen her cry
"I miss him bean."
She hadn't called me that since I was a kid.
This was my birth giver. My nurturer. She had her flaws but who didnt. This was my mommy.
"Im sorry bean," she said looking at me "For what?" "Everything. I didnt mean to call you a drunk or put you out.I was just angry. Im sorry."
I hugged her "Its okay." "Does Nola really make you happy sweetheart?" "Yeah, she does." "Thats all that matters. Im trying. Im tryna change for you and Kaela.I haven't seen her in 4 years. My own daugher, god. I didnt mean to be a bad parent. Laila too but she never liked me as her stepmom. It was just after I lost both Bailey and your dad, I felt like I lost my soul. I lost my soulmates.I couldnt even be a mother to my children. How is Laila by the way?" "She's good. Raising bad ass kids." "They cant be that bad." "They are. Trust me." "Sure."
"Im thinking about leaving." "and going where bean?" "I dont know. Somewhere other than DC. Somewhere different. I cant stay here no more ma." "You taking Nola?" "Nah. I need her to finish school first." "Why not wait for her?" "I gotta go now. This place is just so.." "Depressing... it's depressing. We lost so many people and its like everywhere we look it's reminds us of somebody." "Yeah." "I get it. I remember, I was pregnant with you and Laila's mom didnt want her anymore. Your dad was in jail and it was just us here. I was 20 with 2 kids and one on the way.I had to leave. We went to Indiana. Where your aunt Bailey stayed. We stayed there for about 5 months. You were born there." "Really?" "Yeah. She found out she was pregnant with Nola 3 months later. It was like yall we're destined to be together. After everything, you had her in your corner no matter what." "I honestly think she's my soulmate." "I know and I feared that. I did. I BEEN knew you was in love with her. I saw the way you looked at her at her sweet 16. That let me know forrsure." "We still gon give you some grandbabies." "Do what you want. Ill take Laila bad ass 3," she said laughing "I got you. No slip-ups." "You hungry, bean?" "A lil" "You know damn well you hungry. You always are. I think Tonie's is still open, we got time." "Yes yes yes.Let's go." I kissed my dads tombstone "Bye daddy."
My mom placed a picture of them next to the flowers
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"See you later baby."
"Come on moma."
It was hard for her to leave
Shit, It was hard for me too
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Should Kimmy rebuild her relationship with her mom?
