The Never Beginnings

Resolutions

Peter's mind drifted in and out of sleep. He knew he should get up; the lost boys would never let him live it down if he slept in. But he was so comfortable! He was about to allow himself to fall back into the blissfulness of sleep when he became aware of something soft and warm snuggled up against him. Peter was instantly awake and on alert.

He looked down; his arms were wrapped around something blue and brown. He watched the gentle rise and fall of breathing. It took him a moment to figure out that it was a person, and that the person was Wendy.

Peter's breath quickened, how did he get here? He closed his eyes and tried to recall anything that happened last night. With a sudden ferocity, his nightmare came surging to the front of his mind. Hook. Wendy. Hook shot Wendy. He subconsciously drew Wendy closer to him.

She stirred at the contact. Panicked that she would wake, Peter stilled. When Wendy was fully claimed by sleep again, Peter's mind began to work overtime. But he couldn't concentrate being so close to Wendy. His heart was pounding, his stomach was doing flip flops and his skin tingled where there was contact. And it scared him, because he liked holding Wendy close. He liked the feeling that he could protect her from any danger when she was in his arms. And she seemed to fit there. It was as if something was missing and she filled it.

'It stirred feelings inside you Peter...' Hook was taunting him. Peter shook his head. No. Not feelings. He needed to get out of there. Now.

As gently as he could, he untangled himself from the sleeping Wendy. Before he left he glanced once more at her. She was safe. A small unfamiliar part of Peter almost wished he would be there when she woke up. To be the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes. But he banished those thoughts as quickly as they had come. They were dangerous thoughts.

Peter flew out of her room and up to the top of the hideout to watch the sunrise. Breaking off a branch he sat down and began to mindlessly whittle at it. His conversation with Wendy the night before played again in his mind.

When she had mentioned magic thimbles and who gave those, a traitorous part had wanted to thimble her right then and there. Because he did care for her, she did mean the world to him, she did make his head spin. But then she had to go and mention 'Love.' The word scared him senseless and snapped him out of thimbling her.

'Love,' 'feelings,' they were both dangerous, grownup words, and both Hook and Wendy had said them. Wendy had said it with longing when she looked at him, and it thrilled and terrified him. His heart pounded furiously when she was near him. His train of thought all but went out the window when she smiled at him. And she was in his happy thoughts constantly. He wanted to protect her, to make sure she was safe and happy. That wasn't love was it? What did it mean to love? What was love? Surely it must be a grownup thing. Children don't feel love, do they? These thoughts were too heavy, too confusing, and far too 'grown up'. Peter took a deep breath of morning air to calm his thoughts. 

In his nightmare Hook had said it with malice and used it to taunt him. Somehow in the dream Hook knew right where to strike at him. The dream Hook knew how much Wendy meant to him and he had used it against Peter. Hook had used the words 'Love' and 'Feelings' to scare him. To show Peter that he was a coward. Because in the dream Peter realized that even if he didn't know what love was, there was a feeling for Wendy, and Hook turned it against him. Shooting Wendy and causing such physical pain that Peter could still feel it. Peter rubbed the ache in his chest. It was just a dream, just a nightmare. He repeated this until the ache went away.

Peter suddenly straightened. Realization hitting him over the head. It was just a dream! It wasn't real! And not all dreams needed to come true! He could make sure the feeling stopped. He could stop this ache. He could make sure that Hook never found out how he felt and make sure he could never use it against him! 

There were two choices Peter could see. Choice one was to simply send Wendy and her brothers back home. But Peter couldn't do that. He would never condemn a child to grow up, and that's what he'd be doing if he sent them back. Well that's the reason he told himself he wouldn't send her back.

Choice two; if being near Wendy caused these...feelings. Then, he reasoned, if he wasn't near her the feelings would go away. Hook wouldn't be able to use Wendy to get to him. The nightmare wouldn't ever come true! Peter would simply not feel for Wendy. That seemed to be the best choice. No more looking at her when she didn't notice, no more holding her hand or touching her, no more whispered secrets, and no more pounding hearts if he got close to her.

Peter looked down at what his hands had been doing while his mind was thinking. He grunted. He had carved Wendy's name into the bark. No! This would not do. He snapped the branch in half. Mouth set in a determined line; he came down from the top of the trees. From now on Peter Pan would not show 'feelings' towards Wendy.

For all his musing, Peter desperately wanted someone to talk to. To tell his thoughts to. He would ask Wendy, but since she was the problem, that was ruled out. Peter wondered where Tink had gone. Remembering that he had banished her for almost killing Wendy, he sighed. Maybe....maybe it was time for Tink to come back. He missed her companionship. She would always listen, even if it went in one ear and out the other. But it was nice to be able to talk to her. She would know what to do about Wendy, he was sure of it.

It was decided, Peter would go and find Tink and ask her to come back. He missed his fairy; she wasn't nearly as complicated as human girls were. So Peter flew out of the hideout in search of his fairy.

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