Complicated Love

Worries

"Babe, it's almost noon."

Brad nudges me awake, laying Liam next to me, who gives me little kisses all over my face, making sure I know he's there.  I sit him next to me as I wake up, looking over at Brad.

"Sorry, this jet lag is just really hitting me this time.  I wasn't expecting to be this tired."

"Well, you had a long flight and you're pregnant, I think being tired is kinda expected."

"I know, I just wish I had some energy.  I feel drained.  I wanted to take him to the playground."

"And we still can.  I thought maybe we could walk over.  He's been getting good at walking when we help."

"Okay, just let me get ready."

Now that I'm 3 months pregnant, it's getting very obvious, and harder to hide.  We want to wait to announce it until after Liam's first birthday, but that means I have to be extra careful everytime I step outside.

"You ready yet?"

I stand in front of my shirts, trying to pick out the perfect one to hide our surprise.

"You aren't even dressed..."

"Well I don't know what to wear.  It's too hot to hide it with a jacket."

"You used to have one with ruffles, that hid it well with him."

"Yeah, but he spit up on it last week and I can't get it cleaned."

He goes through the shirts, carefully looking at each one, just as desperate as I am to keep our secret a secret.

"This one is black and flowy, try it on."

To my surprise, it actually does a good job of hiding my bump, as long as I don't flatten it.

"I'll just have to carry him once he gives up on walking.  You'll be fine.  You look cute."

"Momma! Play!" Liam crawls in the room, shouting two of the few words he knows.  I hold him until we get out of the yard and then hand him to Brad, who helps him walk through the path.

"Do you ever worry about what it'll be like when this one is here?  When we're chasing two of them around?"

"Yeah, but honestly, I'm excited for that.  I'm more worried about this one being faster than he was and having to help deliver a baby in the car."

"Don't even joke about that.  It could happen and that terrifies me."

"We have some experience, we'll be fine."

"We'll?  Honey you have it easy.  You put your hands out to catch.  I have to do all the hard work."

"Yeah, but I help."

"Yes, you're a huge help."

We stop our walking once Liam gives up, giving Brad a chance to pick him up before he falls.

"You're tired already, baby?" I clean off his little pants as he looks around excitedly.

"He's just saving his energy for the swings.  They're his new favorite."

Once we get to the playground, I sit at a bench, watching Brad push Liam in the baby swings as he laughs and screams out of excitement.  He couldn't possibly look any cuter in this moment, showing how happy he is.

Brad couldn't look any happier either, finally getting the moments he's been waiting for since we got married.  He's always talked about the days we'd be able to take our children out and play with them, showing them the world.  Now that I see how truly happy it makes him, I can't believe we waited this long.  These moments are the greatest, they're worth all the hard, thankless times that accompany them.

"Momma!"

I look over to see Liam sitting in the swing, reaching towards me.  He quickly puts his arms back in the swing when I get over.

"He wants me to get a break from pushing him."

Brad walks over the the table, leaving me with Liam, who is kicking his little legs like crazy.  I gently push him, watching as he excitedly holds his hands up like he's on the biggest ride ever.  He squeals out of excitement as I keep pushing him, wanting to go as high as he can.

I eventually take him out once he gets tired, carrying him over to the sandbox near our table so he can play in that.  He grabs all his little toys, talking to himself as he builds little hills.

"Do you think he's going to like having a baby around?" Brad reaches out for me as I sit down, pulling me on his lap "Will he be too young to understand?"

"He might be.  He won't even be 1 and a half by the time the baby gets here... we really should have planned this better."

"Yeah, but I'm excited.  We'll have them both little at the same time so this whole crazy, sleepless period will be gone for good... until we have more."

"What?"

I turn towards him, half expecting him to be joking, but he clearly isn't.

"Two.  That's it.  We're already exhausted with him, why would we want to go through this when we're older?"

"You know I've always wanted a big family, I just thought maybe we could have at least one more.  In a year or two, that way they're spaced out a little more."

"We'll see."

We watch Liam play for a while until he decides it's a good idea to pick up a bunch of sand and eat it.

"Maybe we should go for lunch... and you should feed him."

Brad hands me Liam, who is now pissed and crying because we didn't let him eat the sand, so I arrange him to eat. I look around hoping nobody is around since my bump is very obvious with the way I'm holding him.

"Let's stay on this trail, I don't want anyone to see."

"We should probably just announce it soon.  He'll be one in a few weeks, ths hype should calm down by his birthday."

"I know... I'm just not ready.  The media is going to have their heads up my vagina again and it's annoying to even think about."

"But you'll save yourself the stress of having to pick out every outfit carefully.  It'll be so much easier on you mentally."

"Let's just worry about today.  Maybe we can announce it tomorrow."