Complicated Love

Momma Needs a Break

"Liam can you let mommy alone for one second?  Please?"

I practically beg him, pulling him off my leg that he's attached himself to.

"Buddy mommy really needs to sit down for a second."

As soon as I say this, his face scrunches up and I know he is not handling this horrible news well.  Tears start shooting down his face followed by cries loud enough to annoy our far away neighbors.

"Okay," I sigh, finally sitting down "Come over here."

He climbs on me, burying his head into my chest as the loud, overwhelming cries continue, letting me know how much he truly needs me right now.

"What's wrong, baby?  Does your belly hurt?  Or your head?"

"I want mommy!"

I pull him in closer, rubbing his little back hoping for any relief I'm able to get.  He's been super needy lately and of course I'm the lucky one that gets to be off today.

"I'm right here, buddy.  I won't let you go again."

He either doesn't believe me, or doesn't care at all since the crying continues, possibly even getting worse than before.

I want to scream with him, get all my anger out at once, but unfortunately I think that would just make him more upset, or scare him and I would be worse off than I am now.

I can't put him down, I can't walk with him because I have a ginormous belly in the way, making it almost impossible for me to hold him anymore, and all I really want is a day to relax.  A day to get away from all the stress, have a decent nap, maybe even go more than 5 minutes without anyone touching me.

I'm literally attached to a child at all times and I can't get away. 

"Do you want some snacks?  Maybe some chocolate milk?"

He nods his head, but doesn't let up on the irritating screams escaping his mouth.  I walk with him to the kitchen, making sure he can hold on to one hand at all times as I make his milk and grab some cookies. 

"Thank you," he wipes his face off with his arm as he takes everything from me, calming down slightly as we get back to the couch to cuddle up.

As he eats, he continues to calm himself down, making me mistakenly think that he might actually fall asleep for the much needed nap he is trying to skip out on.

"Baby, why don't you just nap?  I can sleep with you." I rub his back once he's done, hoping he at least stays quiet.

"Noooooo!"

The crying starts again, this time full blown meltdown crying as he throws himself on the floor, crawling up into a ball at my feet.

"Fine then, I'm just going to watch some tv I guess.  When you want to be nice you can come talk to me."

I wait a little before turning it on, wanting to make sure he doesn't really need me, but when I can tell the cries aren't pain cries, I move on and find a movie to watch, waiting for Brad to finally get home.

Liam eventually climbs his way up to me, cuddling up as he sucks his thumb, still whimpering to let me know he is not done with whatever is pissing him off.

"I love you, baby, but you have to tell me what's bothering you or I can't help.  I'm sorry I can't keep carrying you around anymore."

"You hold me."

"Okay, well I can do that but we have to stay here."

I wrap a blanket around him, cuddling up to him as he turns towards the tv, elbowing me right in the boob as he flings himself around.

Trying not to cry myself, I just hold him closer, which apparently is the wrong move.

"Stooooop."

He kicks his legs around trying to get away, screaming again because he can't get away fast enough. 

Of course, Brad decides to walk in now, later than when he should be, and when it looks like I'm trying to torture our child.

"What's wrong?"

He walks in taking Liam from me right away, holding him closely as he gently bounces him around.

"Are you okay?"

"No.  I'm not okay.  This child is a freaking mess.  I haven't had a second to myself all day today.  He's either screaming his head off or attaching himself to me because he doesn't understand that I can't carry him."

He gets him to calm down a little, looking over at me apologetically, knowing he should have been home earlier to help.

"Maybe we can go get you some of your cheesecake.  He needs to get out of the house a little and you get your break..."

"Brad, I don't care what you do.  As long as I get away from his screaming and can have a minute to myself.  I need a break."

"Ohhkay," He looks down at Liam, who is now smiling ear to ear "Sounds like we're going to get mommy some cake."

"And chocolate."

He leans over to kiss me before walking away, giving me the break I finally need.

I make my way upstairs, practically exhausted as I reach the top, taking a break before wobbling into our room, where I decide on taking a nice, long bath.

My back pain eases almost immediately as I lower myself into the warm, welcoming tub.  I throw Liam's toys out of the way, secretly feeling bad for being moody with him today, letting the warm water soothe my whole body.

I close my eyes, getting into a full relaxation mode as I slowly drift off into a much needed nap.

"Hey," I feel a hand near mine, wondering around my body "Wake up."

I open my eyes to see that Brad has placed Liam conveniently at my feet in the tub, and is trying to feed my cheesecake with peices of chocolate on top.

"He wanted to take a bath with his mommy, he's sorry about earlier.  We had a very long talk about it."

"Yeah, I'm sure you did." I take a bite of the cake, pulling Liam up closer to me now that he's in a better mood.  He quietly plays with his toys while I get to relax a little and eat my biggest craving.

"Maybe today wasn't so bad after all."