𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗱 | 𝗍𝗒𝗋𝗎𝗌

02

c y r u s

it was just another school. i was used to it by now. my dad was a drunk who couldn't keep a steady job which always caused us to move around the country. he told me this time he was actually going to try but he was sober. i don't trust him when he's sober but that doesn't mean i trust him when he's drunk. i just don't trust him i general.

my mom and my stepdad moved to maine 3 years ago and i haven't heard from them since. i never liked my stepdad but i didn't realize that my actual dad would be worse. my mom still pays for child support but she doesn't even text me or communicate with me at all. she always said my dad and i were her biggest mistakes.

so here i am, at yet another high school. i walked in keeping my head low and trying not to draw any attention towards me but that never works. i'm a scary, thin, and funny looking dude, i was draw attention towards myself.

i walked into the office quickly and grabbed my schedule. i got out of there before the ladies at the front desk could start talking to me. i started walking around the school, half-looking for my class, half-not giving a shit. it felt like everyone's eyes were on me. so to shut them up, i gave them dirty looks back.

before my mom left, all these stares would've bothered me. i used to be extremely insecure and was very organized and involved. i knew my parents relationship wasn't perfect and i knew my mom didn't love me like i loved her. i tried to impress everyone i crossed paths with and people seemed to love me. i became my friends personal therapist and i made sure everything was always okay. but like i said before that was before my mom left me with my fucked up dad.

i finally arrived to the correct classroom which happen to be history. i walked in, sneakily, to make sure no one noticed me. it looked like everyone had already claimed their seats so i had to sit in the back next to a blonde haired boy. his head was down, looking at his phone and he had a slight smile on his face. i sat down slowly next to him and prayed he didn't notice me. but right after i sat down, he turned to show me something on his phone. but when he caught my eye, he soon realized i wasn't the person he was supposed to be showing that to.

he tried making conversation with me and i just stared at him. his face was nice and so were his eyes but i see so many faces and eyes that they all blend together. i'll forget his by next year.

he finally stopped talking when the teacher came. she introduced me to the class like every fucking teacher does on my first day. like i can't introduce myself, not that i want to, but they always treat me like a injured bird. it makes me feel like i'm 5 years old.

the day seemed to drag and i could hear all the whispers about me. i didn't care about what they had to say about me. it doesn't matter in long run. i'll never remember them. they mean nothing to me.

i ate lunch outside by myself in the 20° weather. i always enjoyed cold, cloudy weather because it represents how i'm feeling. i'm always depressed and detached so it wouldn't make since for it to be a bright, sunny day out when i feel like shit. i got in trouble afterwards though because apparently during the winter, outside is off limits. is this like jail or something?

i finally made it through the day and started my trek back home. i lived just outside of shadyside and it was a good 30 minute walk. the reason i go to grant is because it is .5 miles closer to my house than the other school in my district. i don't mind the walk, though. i know that the sooner i get home, the sooner life will suck. so i take my time, trying to become familiar with the town.