𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗱 | 𝗍𝗒𝗋𝗎𝗌

10

c y r u s

i used to not let my dad get that bad. after a couple hits, i would try to escape or fight back and it normally worked. but it got to a point where i stopped caring. i didn't care that he was punching me shitless and i was going to be filled with bruises. because no one else cared. no one seemed to notice the bruises or the cuts because they simply didn't care about me. but when i met tj i realized, he does care which is terrifying.

i had gotten home from school earlier than normal because i rode my broken bike to school. even if it was broken, it was still faster than walking. i was really hoping dad might be out looking for a job or maybe he had already found one and was working but he wasn't. i shouldn't have been surprised but still i was. and still i was surprised when he hit me. but it seems like one hit is all it takes and that's when i give up. i don't fight back because there's no use, i just let him do whatever he wants until he's tired. but he wasn't giving up today and finally after i was practically coughing up blood, i somehow made my way out of the house.

i was running like my life depended on it and considering how out of shape and weak i was, i was actually running pretty fast. i still barely knew my way around town and i was just trying to find somewhere that i could hide because this was the worst it's ever been. and i'm going to be honest, i'm terrified.

after what felt like forever, i arrived at the shadyside public library. it had started to rain to rain at this point and not only was i soaked, i was in the most pain i've ever been in. my ribs felt like they were crumbling to the bottom of my stomach and my wrist felt like it was just snapped in half. i could feel the deep gash under my eyes that was dripping blood. but i didn't care, i just needed to sit.

i found the nearest chair and hunch over it trying to catch my breath and trying to erase the fear from my mind. this happens every time, cyrus. don't be so shocked. don't be weak. no matter how hard i tried to convince myself this, i knew that it was no use.

so that's how tj found me and that's how i ended up on his bed with a huge bandaid under my eye, an old wrist brace tj found on my wrist, and an ice pack on my ribs. i was laying on his bed with my eyes closed shut. it felt too painful to move, to blink, to speak. i think part of the reason it was so hard to talk is because i knew i would breakdown. all the pain that i've felt all these years as finally hit me straight in the heart and i didn't want to face it.

tj had gone downstairs to get dinner for me and i could hear the hushed yelling from his parents. i didn't know where the yelling was coming from whether it was the kitchen or their bedroom but they seemed unhappy.

tj came back into the with two plates full of food balancing on one arm and two waters in the other hand. i would have made a joke about how ridiculous he looked but i couldn't trust myself to talk so i just raised my eyebrows at him and he just laughed.

"ok this might sound really gross but it's vegan baked ziti which may sound absolutely crazy but i promise you it's better than the original." he said handing me my plate that had scoops on the ziti and a piece of garlic bread. i tried to lift myself to sit up but it was too painful. a yelp left my mouth.

"woah woah woah." tj put down my plate on the side table. "let me help you." he grabbed my arms gently and lifted my head with his hand. he told me to scoot back which seemed impossible. i squeezed my eyes shut and i did what he said. when he saw how painful it was for me, he pick me up bridal style, as gently as he could, and put me against the head board. i could tell how surprised he was about how light i am. eating one meal a day will do that to you.

"can you eat?" he was sitting on the edge of the bed, next to me. i turned to look into his big green eyes hoping to find relief and i was granted with it. his eyes were my favorite thing in the world and i don't have any favorite things in the world. even if right now they were filled with so much worry and concerned, it reminded me how much he cared.

i simply nodded my head once again not trusting my words. but when i looked at the plate of food, i realized how my appetite was nowhere to be found. i wasn't hungry at all.

"i-i'm n-not hungry." my voice was shaking and i had to take a big breath in order to stop myself from crying. i looked back at tj and he was looking at me so intently, i wanted to melt right into him and share everything that has happen. everything single thing about me i want him to know. and that's what i think terrifies me most.

he climbed over me in the bed and sat down on the other side of me. he put his arms around me and that's all it took for me. i collapsed into him, even if it hurt like hell, and i sobbed. like gut wrenching sobs. and he just held me and rubbed my back. he would whisper in my ear 'i got you' or 'i'm here for you' but i could barely hear him over my sobs. i wish i could've controlled myself better and not have been this vulnerable but then again, he's the only that one has cared about me since i was 10. the only person. and that just made me hold on tighter.