THIRTY-FIVE

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"Colby..."
He asks me
"Why?"
His voice is hollow. Not angry, not sad. Empty. And that's worse than anything else it could have been. I tell him straight away
"It's misleading Colby. Let me tell you what happened. Please?"
He searches my eyes and asks
"Is the picture real? Not edited?"
I nod
"It's real."
He decides, showing a little more anger
"Then it isn't misleading."
He takes off to the end of the hall, into the elevator heading down. I'm in it with him in a second, however, along with seven other people heading down. Neither of us wanting to put our drama on display to them, we stay quiet. Standing in heavy silence until the elevator opens up into the lobby. Again, I follow him through the lobby and out onto the street in front, where he takes out his phone and begins ordering an Uber. I urge
"Colby- please. You know I wouldn't kiss someone else."
"And yet you did."
His voice is steady, but I can hear the hurt and anger behind it
"He kissed me!"
"It doesn't make it any better, Alaska."
I keep going
"It isn't like I went home with him Colby. He was just an asshole from school who saw me out and tried to use me for Clout."
He looks over me, pondering and biting his lower lip. He shakes his head
"I don't know if I can believe your right now Alaska."
I grab his hand, pulling him closer to me
"When have I ever given you reason not to believe me Colby! If you would just let me tell you what happened."
He retorts
"I don't want to talk about it, Alaska. I'm not in the headspace."
My voice shakes
"Then when will you be?"
"I don't know."
His Uber pulls up, and he moves towards it. I plead
"Colby, don't do this. Please."
He looks over me, and takes my hand again
"Hop in. You can tell me on the way."
Gratefully, I get in. The car ride is awkward for the first few minutes. Colby and I sitting as far away from each other in the back seat as possible, and our overly accommodating driver constantly trying to make small talk. I wait for him to stop trying and get the hint before telling Colby
"The kiss was nothing. He forced himself on me and I pushed him off barely a second later. But you didn't see that in the picture."
"Who was he?"
Colby asks, eyes out the window next to him. He can't even look at me
"I... his name is Zeke. I went to high school with him. On the first day of high school when I met him, I had a crush on him. I had a crush on him for years, and he knew it, until I met you. After that week when I went back to school, he couldn't even compare. After meeting you, I didn't know what I even saw in him in the first place. And when he figured out I didn't like him anymore, he started leading me on. Because he liked the ego boost I was for him. And then he started dating a skinny bitch and I knew I was just being used and wasting my time. And then I got big. That night, he was trying to convince me to get with him. But I knew it was only because I had money now. I was well known. He was trying to buy me a drink but when I wasn't going to he just kissed me. The photo was taken in bad timing, in a shitty situation. I never actually kissed him. I never actually wanted to. I have you Colby. You're all I've ever wanted."
He doesn't respond, but I can see him thinking it over. We end up pulling up at my house, and I ask him before I get out
"Colby? Talk to me. Please."
He finally looks at me to tell me
"I think we need a break. I need time to figure this out. Get past this."
It's a standoff. We watch each other like strangers. And it's obvious to me, if Colby believes I'm that type of person in this moment, he isn't my Colby. My Colby knows me, knows my heart. We are strangers in this moment. So with my head high, I tell him
"Okay, Colby. Take your time."
Stepping out of the car, I head inside without looking back. But I watch through a crack in the curtains, the car pulling away and taking Colby with it.

I walk through the next couple of weeks in autopilot. Not stopping or slowing down. I go to set, I film, and when I'm not working or filming, I hit the gym. I go hard. I go to meetings, close business deals. Ive never worked so tirelessly. I'm on top of the world, career wise. I jog into the kitchen in my workout hear, grabbing up a Fiji water from the fridge. Diana is cooking up a late night snack- cookies I think. A cookie would be good right now, I'd just work it off straight away at a gym. It's been a while since I've had a cookie. I think the last time was after I made them with Colby in his kitchen. He kept pecking at the dough, so I threw flour at him, and he threw it back at me. We had to clean his whole kitchen at midnight because flour was everywhere. Suddenly, I lose my appetite
"See ya Di, I'm off to the gym."
She drops the wooden spoon in the bowl, turning to me before I can exit the kitchen
"Stop. Come back."
I turn, jogging on the spot
"Yeah?"
She tells me again
"Alaska- stop."
I stop my jogging. Her tone is worrying. She approaches me, taking my gym bag from me
"This is an intervention."
"Intervention?"
She walks me around the island, sitting me at a stool. Oh boy.

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