I Got You ~ C.B

FIFTY-TWO

I'm sorry about a lot of things. Sorry i hurt Colby, sorry he hurt me. Sorry we forgot how to communicate. Sorry for cheating on Kian amidst it all, no matter how well he handled it. But one thing I refuse to be sorry for, is moping about it today. The day my first movie premiers. There's too much excitement to be down about something that happened two months ago. Even Diana has told me that being lonely for two months is dumb, and that if I was going to be alone, I may as well better myself during the time. And I think today is the exact thing to do that, the thing that I needed. The day starts at eight, waking up to Diana with a coffee from Dialogue for me. Apparently I'm not eating today for my dress according to my stylist. I never thought I could despise a couture dress so much. It's a gorgeous thing too. Custom Balmain, a deep burgundy red colour with an open back and cutouts dipping into the front at my waist. Completely beaded with a high thigh slit. To be paired with a nude pair of Valentino Rockstud heels and Cartier love collection Jewellery. First on the list today, is a shower. After which I walk around in my satin robe while getting a tatcha facial. For lunch I'm allowed a single rice cracker with avo, which I graciously accept. I'll take what food I can get. Hair, makeup, dress and jewellery. It's weird having a whole team of people dote upon me and dressing me for me. I don't have to do a thing but step where they tell me. My hair is left long and straight down my back, makeup nude and glowing. They layer gold Cartier on me. The nail bracelet, love bracelets, multiple rings adorning my hands, three necklaces layered around my neck, classic hoop earrings but with each one of the other piercings in my ear filled too. I'm shocked when I look at the mirror, where'd the girl with three day old unbrushed hair go? The girl who only wore jeans with a hip chain. I can tell it's me starting back. Just gone up in the world. Newer. I can't say I'm mad, it'll just take adjustment. Diana is allowed to come with me and act as my 'assistant'. Which is cool, because the team still dressed her up. She'll be carrying my phone and such. Making sure my lipstick isn't on my teeth and I'm not tripping over my train. She's already doing her job before we leave the house
"Phones, check. Purses, check. Lipstick, check. Chapstick, check. Powder, check. Cover up, check. Am I forgetting something?"
I laugh, snatching her keys up off the counter.
"Keys."
Catching them, she clicks
"Check. Limo's out front. I'll meet you at the venue, right behind you."
We embrace, and I admit
"Di..."
"Mhmm?"
"I'm petrified. I don't want to go alone."
She holds me at an arms length, hands gingerly on my shoulders. Afraid to ruin the masterpiece
"Alaska. If you can move your ass overseas, gain three million followers, and land yourself a leading role on your own- you can arrive at the damn premier on your own. You did this. All yourself. Let the world know."
I smile at her, and hug her again.
"Maybe, but I wouldn't have been here at all if you didn't come with me. Thank you."
She rolls her eyes
"You can thank me when I'm letting you live in my two million dollar West Hollywood Hills home."
Laughing, she takes my hand again
"I know I may get shot for doing this because I'm not on your styling team, but they won't be able to see it under the Cartier anyway."
Around my wrist, she straps the little Greek evil eye bracelet, moving the Cartier to partially disguise it. And although it shouldn't, it comforts me. She turns me to the door
"Now, go get em superstar."
I make my way out the front of my house, down the driveway and to the limo on my own, carrying my own train. Diana is right, if I've made it this far on my own I should own it. But it sucks, not having someone to even accompany me in the limo. Nobody to celebrate the occasion with. I was too scared to drink anything while getting ready to calm the nerves, not wanting to rock up tipsy to my first premier. My family wouldn't even fly out to celebrate the day with me. How can you be so surrounded by people, being praised and yet still feel so undervalued and alone? I should be excited about this, do what Diana said and own the fact I'm doing this alone. That it's a power move. But I can't make myself feel like it is. And I get what she was trying to do by putting the bracelet on me, trying to reassure me and let me know that I'm always protected no matter what. But all it's doing is acting as a reminder of Colby. Colby, who even if we were still together, wouldn't come with me tonight because we would still be trying to hide the fact we're a thing from the world. The fact I snuck his ring on my thumb before I headed out doesn't make me feel any better either. Why can't I let go? Why can't I be happy being alone? Especially today. The one day I should be proud of making it this far on my own. But I'm aware of one thing, even though I did the audition on my own, the person who was there to celebrate it with me was Colby. The one who came with me to my first day of set to support me was Colby. You can only do so much on your own, but without a couple special people to back you, it doesn't mean anything. Without Diana agreeing to move countries with me, I wouldn't have been able to come here at all. Without Colby coming to set with me that day, I wouldn't have had the confidence to walk around that set on my own when we broke up. They're the support frames, the people that hold me up. And I can't imagine not being there without both of them today. The driver opens the door for me
"Miss Rain, you look ravishing."
I smile at him
"Thank you, Ed."
He closes the door after me, and gets in the front. Starting the car, I wind down the window separating the back from the drivers seats
"Ed?"
"Yes ma'am?"
"Could we take a detour on the way?"