Kinda of a trigger warning. And this is an AH/AU and they're in their senior year of high school.
The hospital waiting room was bright and still. The faint smell of medicine and rubbing alcohol filled the air. My hands were shaking and my heart was pounding. God, I was terrified. It all started with a call. A call from Isabelle, and I'm not even sure how she found my number. She's frantic, scared, and desperate. She barely chokes out "Alec's in the hospital" and the information. As soon as she hung up I drove here as fast as I could with only one thought in mind. My Alec.
My elbows were on my knees now, and my head in my hands. I can't wait any longer. If someone doesn't come out here and tell me what's happened with Alec I'm going to march straight into his room. Only his close family members were allowed in his room. Funny that his parents weren't here. Shows where their priorities lay.
My mind was so foggy I didn't notice the sound of thick boots stopping in front of me. "You're allowed in. Now. It's okay, Magnus." It was Jace. He looked disheveled. His eyes were rimmed in red, and that could be from fatigue or sadness. "Would you like to be with him alone or are you okay with me and Isabelle." There was no sarcasm in his voice, or anything that sounded anything like Jace. He sounded hurt. Who knew what awaited me when I walk into Alec's room.
"Alone." I pushed myself out of the chair, but before I went passed Jace he stopped me.
"Don't push it with Alec, Bane. He's not in a mood to be fucked with. Whatever you tell him in there, it better be the fucking truth or I'll make sure you never see him again." A part of me was offended because why would he think I would lie to Alec? The other part of me was terrified because what had happened to Alec that Jace had to say that to me. I swallowed and nodded. He let me through and told me the room number.
Room 713. The wooden door seemed to weigh a ton. The stark white room burned my eyes. The only thing not white seemed to be Alec's jet-black hair against his pillow. As soon as Isabelle saw me she swiftly left the room. She gripped my forearm as she left and tried to give me a sincere smile, but that was hard to pass off with the tears in her eyes. "Alec," I breathed out.
He shifted. "Magnus." I sat in the chair next to his bed, resting my hand on his.
"How are you feeling? Is everything alright?" My voice trembled and I stopped at odd parts of the sentence. There's goes my plan of keeping it cool. Alec put his forearm on his forehead. It might've just been a habit of his, but what I saw was a habit I wasn't aware of. His forearms were covered in white bandages, splotches of red staining the white cloth. "A-Alec." I took a hold of his hand again. Both of his forearms were covered in the white bandages. I understood perfectly what happened to Alec. It was both anger and sadness that I felt. Anger that he would do such a thing and not tell me, and sadness that something made him want to do it. Want to take his life. Take everything away with his own hands. "Why?"
"You don't understand. It-I felt so horrible. This was my only escape out of this hell called life."
"And escape to what? You would leave everything and everyone to escape to nothing. Baby, why would you do it?"
"I didn't want to at first, but it just got worse and worse until this was all I saw. Not like this life is worth much, anyway." My heart broke.
"There's Isabelle, Jace, soccer, even I'm in this life. Why would you want to leave all that?"
"I didn't see any good things at the moment. All I saw were the bad things. My parents hating me, almost getting kicked out of my own home, my low self-esteem, all the teasing, and the fact that I'll never be accepted. It was like a darkness covering me. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think straight, and I surely wasn't thinking of anyone but myself. By the Angel, it was selfish I know, but it seemed like the only way out. I couldn't take it anymore, I didn't want to take it anymore, and I didn't think anyone would care if I was gone."
"Alec. Don't ever think about doing that again. There's always someone who's going to care about you. Someone who's going to be there for you when you call for help, but I wished you would've called for help."
"I would've felt like a nuisance asking for help."
"But you're not. Someone will help you no matter what. If you came to me I would've gladly talked to you because I love you. Why didn't you ever tell me you cut in the first place? I would've talked to you." Not the best way to tell someone you love them, but he needed to know I did.
"You love me? Why me? I'm moody, annoying, complain a lot, have no fashion sense, not smart, not special or anything. And if I told you, I don't think I could've taken the look of pity, or you would've left me. Like some broken toy.
"You are none of that. If anything you're brave, kind, caring, beautiful, and you're special to me because I love you. You're not broken-" He cut me off. A blue fire burned in his eyes that I've never seen in Alec.
"I know I'm broken and sunk down low! I feel it when I take a shower and the water stings my wrists. I know, and I hate myself for it."
"Don't hate yourself for it, but you should've talked to someone. Someone will help you no matter what has happened." I took his hand in mine. "I love you so much and would be so broken if you died. I would've been the broken one. You're everything to me. I've been in a few relationships and thought I loved them, but I didn't. I realized that when I met you. None of those relationships have been like this. There's something different about you, Alec Lightwood, and I love you for it. You should've talked to me about your struggles with cutting and I wouldn't have left you. If anything I'd make me hold you closer to me because you need to feel loved." We were both crying. I tried to hide it, but I couldn't stop the tears from piling up. "Alec, next time you feel like this-and I hope there isn't a next time-talk to me. That's all I ask of you. Send me a text, call me, come to my house, anything please. Promise me that you'll talk to me. Promise me that you'll come to me with your problems. Promise me that you won't do this again because we can work everything out together." My voice started to tremble and stop at awkward places again.
"I promise. Because I love you too."
Original title: Suicide talk bc why the hell not and im short on ideas
