take a picture of all my flaws

12

Lauren

"What are you doing here?"

Lauren feels like a total fucking idiot standing here. She knows she shouldn't have come; it's her general rule of thumb, if she doesn't feel like she can trust someone, it's best if she doesn't interact. She's already disobeyed that twice today; by going to the café, and by trying to talk to Camila in the class she never showed up for. After the way the girl in her other class had acted, and the things Lucy had said, she knows she needs to do this, even if she might be worried it's a bad idea.

"I'm here to talk." Lauren explains herself, biting down on her bottom lip. "You asked me to hear you out. I went to the café, this afternoon. You never showed."

"Oh," Camila's eyes widen in realisation, and while she still looks a little stunned, she opens the door wider to let Lauren in. "Okay, yeah, come in."

She follows Camila upstairs, for some privacy, but when she gets into Camila's bedroom, she takes a seat on her desk chair instead of her bed. Camila awkwardly disappears from the room, but when she returns she's carrying a glass of water, offering it out to Lauren. She takes it, not expecting this kind of hospitality after how hostile she'd been.

But you don't know, it could've been justifiable, Lauren reminds herself. She goes to take a sip of the water, but then that mocking little voice at the back of her head pipes up what if it's drugged and she puts it down on the desk out of sheer paranoia. "Alright then. Tell me what you wanted to tell me."

"Okay, um, I don't really know where to start," Camila bites down on her bottom lip, clearly trying to think, "well, um, you know that I was a fan. I saw you in that first Wednesday lecture, and that's when I sort of had my starstruck internal freak out. I didn't know if I was going to talk to you or not, but eventually I decided to just... leave you alone. Figured you were just here to get an education, not entertain any fans."

"But then you came into that empty classroom while I was practicing, and you started talking to me. I didn't want to blurt out oh, by the way, I've been a fan for years, and you didn't mention anything about the show, but I didn't see it as anything other than a brief conversation between strangers. I didn't think you'd approach me and ask to sit next to me in the next lecture. I honestly expected you'd forget I ever existed, and that tiny little conversation would be something I could just sort of... cherish. Since I got to meet you organically, not in a weird fan/celebrity setting."

"But you did ask to sit with me in that next lecture, and I'm not a total asshole, so obviously I said yes. Asking you to come with me for a drink was just a split-second I don't know why I did that kind of thing, but the way you smiled, I just- wanted that to keep happening," Camila blurts out, but then blushes embarrassedly, and something in Lauren flips, but she tries to smother that feeling. "Then you asked for my number, so I gave it to you. And you texted me to ask if I wanted to walk to the lecture with you, and I said yes. To be friendly. Not because I wanted something. I didn't ask you for anything, except for after you asked me to get lunch with you that day, and I suggested we make it a weekly thing. When you were over here to watch The Haunting of Hill House, I spoke to my friends about everything, and I'd already decided that I was going to tell you the truth. I just didn't know how to, especially when you obviously didn't want me to know."

Lauren frowns. "But what did you want?"

"What do you mean what did I want?" Camila replies, and Lauren can tell she's a little baffled by the question. "I didn't want anything. I just wanted to be nice."

"But that's- none of you ever want to be nice," Lauren answers, "you all want something, whether it's a selfie or connections in the industry or just a follow back on Twitter or whatever."