Her Lovely, overprotective Brothers

Chapter 46

The skies were grey when we arrived. It was breezy and it made everything gloomy and kind of sad.

Can you believe that?

I'm visiting the one and only person whom I fear the most and everything was already gloomy.

"She's not far... " Xendrix whispers, walking ahead of us. His hands were clenched and it was turning white to the point of shaking.

"Xendrix... " I called. He stopped.

I hesitated to speak, scared that maybe he'll snap at me or get mad at me for saying this but I have to say something. He's also hurt. He lost someone very important and special to him and I don't even know what kind of pain he's feeling right now.

I internally laughed bitterly. Why am I empathizing him when the one who should be in more pain here is me?

But I shook that off.

"You don't have to force yourself... " I whispered.

He laughed quietly. It was a strained and struggled laugh.

"I can say the same thing for you... "

I stared at his back as he kept on walking. I shook my head. Am I forcing myself to do this?

Maybe, maybe not.

I just feel like I need to say this to her. To Lydia. Despite all that she had done to me, I just... I don't know... I feel like I just need to do this.

Someone gently grab my shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

"You'll be okay... " I heard Lucas' soft voice, it was comforting and it made my nerves calm. He squeezed my shoulder one last time before patting it.  "We're here... We'll be here for you now... "

Sam, no time for crying.

Holding back a sob, I nodded. I still can't forgive them for what they'd done. We're a family but they acted like jerks. I  want to let them notice their mistakes and the result was me being like this.

As we all followed, mom went beside me. It was a silent awkward moment and I don't really feel comfortable around her after she said that she loved Lydia like a daughter. Mom and dad loved her more than their own real daughter.

"I'm sorry... " Mom said softly. "For the days that we weren't there for you, Sam."

"I know... " I said, my chest felt pain as I heard her say that. I know that they have work and that they were busy but now that every truth was revealing itself, all I could feel was dull pain. "And I know that you guys did that to forget her, right?"

Mom looked at me for a moment then she looked ahead where there's tons of graves.  "I would lie to you if I said that you're wrong... " She said. "I won't try to sugar coat it anymore. You're right. We were scared and we ran away instead of trying to fix the pain."

I look at the skies and it was still grey. I prayed quietly in hope to give me an answer to this.

"And look at what happened." I don't want to dip my words with sweetness anymore, knowing that it will fall on the ground later. I could see mom flinch but I continued. "Lydia's parents were workaholics and you guys took care of her like your own, when she died, you guys became like her parents and who's the one who took care of me? Who was there for me to look up to as my mom and dad?"

She stayed silent, mom's eyes were filled with so much guilt and shame that I actually almost felt sorry for her.

"I had no one." I continued, shaking my head. "So if you want to say sorry to me, then you guys should first say sorry to my brothers  because they were the ones who I looked up to when you and dad were doing important stuff."