At Outpost 17B, Sarge runs up a small hill to look at Blue Base
Sarge: hey Blue Team! This is the Red Army! We are now ready to begin your inevitable destruction! We will begin our planning! And then come back for your reaction!
Sarge then walks towards Grif and Simmons as they were waiting downhill
Sarge: heh heh, that oughta scare the bujeezers out of them!
Simmons: hey Sarge? Since there's only one Blue in there
Grif: and the other Blue is an A.I. fragment
Simmons: I don't see the need for psychological warfare
Sarge: you're right! We proabably shouldn't refer the one blue member as a team! What do you think we should call him then? Blueman? Bluetonian? Blue person?
Simmons: what I meant was-
Sarge: Bluetard!
Simmons: ....what I meant was, why don't we just attack now instead of just announcing their defeat?
Sarge: because we have an order to this Simmons! We can't disrupt protocol just because we have an advantage! We gotta show him the errors of his blue ways! To lay down their arms and sit down at our table of peace and imagine a better world...a world that's better because we poisoned his food at that table and then stabbed him in the eye!
There was then an awkward silence around
Simmons: ...dibs on the computers!
Sarge: noted! Now go observe the Blue Base! See if there's any changes!
Simmons: yes sir! And sir?
Sarge: yes Simmons?
Simmons: I just wanna say...that I'm glad to be here on your day of victory
Sarge: so am I Simmons...my skills as a leader has taken us this far hasn't it? It must've been quiiite an honor to serve me...
Simmons: are you glad I'm here too sir?
Sarge: if course I am!
Simmons: oh good, because-
Sarge: our squad-kill-death ratio is the most important measurement when evaluating Sergeants! If you had died...that would've hurt my numbers!
Simmons then began to cry in his helmet as his hopes were just shattered like that
Simmons: *sniff* glad I could help!
Simmons then just walks up the small hill
Sarge: it's critical to keep a little padding in our stats! That way if we're far ahead...I could stab Grif in the face and still be in the lead
Grif: you know I'm standing right here right?
Sarge: exactly where I want you! In face stabbing range...
Sarge then turns to Red Base and contacts Lopez
Sarge: Lopez! How are repairs coming?!
Lopez: [coming? The Jeep is totally destroyed! It can't be fixed!]
Sarge: have you got an ETA?
Lopez: [yes....never]
Sarge: as long as I get it here ASAP! I need a PDQ
Lopez: [also...never minus one]
Sarge: Lopez you're a real RFR, really fast robot! Grif, make a note in the acronym journal!
Sarge looks at Simmons
Sarge: Simmons status report!
Simmons: still just one blue and an A.I. sir!
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue: Agent Vermont
FanfictionAgent Vermont was never a people person, but that didn't stop him from making friends. Agent Vermont was a quiet, cold, short tempered and dark man, but that was all because of his past. he had trust issues and never fully agreed with the director...
