Incorrect Sanders Sides

Horror Movie (AU)

Okay so we've been talking a lot about horror movies over in Chapter 15 of my book "The Alters"... and then I had the idea of "omg what if the Sanders Sides were characters in a horror movie??"

And so here we are. I had to share, and this felt like the most appropriate place to do it.

- Logan gets killed first because he's the only person with any freakin idea where they are and how to read a map. Also he's the only one who actually is trying to come up with a sensible solution to the situation that they've found themselves in. (You know, like call the cops, find a gas station, something other than going DEEPER INTO THE WOODS AND SEARCHING FOR THE SOUND) So naturally, he has to go first.

- Patton is the one who manages to survive for the whole time and no one knows how. He doesn't seem to think anything is wrong and tries to calm the group down because they're "just overreacting I'm sure he's a nice demon." He just ignores all of the red flags (breaking branches, doors to abandoned cabins closing on their own, etc) he eventually gets himself caught and the others have to try to rescue him before he's killed.

- Roman is the one who knows that something is wrong but doesn't want to admit it and somehow so useless that he is counter productive. (He gets nervous, okay?) When he hears a noise, instead of freezing and staying still/silent he shouts "Hello? Virgil is that you? Come on, this isn't funny anymore!" Which leads the demon straight to him. He's also the one who thinks that he can flirt and bargain with the demon to get it to leave him alone. His last words before his death are "Okay wait, let's talk about this..."

- Virgil, apparently, is the only one who's ever seen a horror movie and is basically done with trying to save everyone else's ass. He keeps trying to tell people to stop being stupid because "god damnit that is how you DIE" and can't believe that out of all of the people to be stuck in a forest with a demon with it had to be these idiots, because the world hates him.

- Remus is the one who knows a disturbing amount about the demon that they're facing. How he knows? Trust me, you'd rather not know. Will he use any of those skills when they're needed or actually bother to mention that he knew how to kill it before it kills like, half their friends? No, no he won't. (Virgil, Patton and him make it the longest and this revelation is followed by Virgil saying "you're saying that you knew this whole time and you're only saying something NOW?")

- Deceit is the one that the demon disguises itself as after killing him like... way back at the beginning of the movie. He is the sarcastic comic relief that "no one suspects is the demon" but it's so cliche that we all knew it, and Virgil has been mentioning it to Patton since the beginning but apparently no one else has noticed anything odd, and "Deceit" kills Virgil before he has a chance to tell them that he told them so.

- Thomas is the one that they sent off for directions before ever actually going into the forest, and by the time he strolls around, everyone but Patton is dead, and he helps Patton run away and they drive far far away and never come back (until the sequel)

And I'm now killing myself laughing at my own headcannon so... thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, have a nice day.