Change Me | CB

XVI

Tuesday, 17th of October

Amaya

          The clock read 12:34AM and the sound of screaming rung throughout the once quiet house. Christopher had another one of his broads over and as always, she thought that the gang leader loved her, in which he had to bring the woman down to reality only for her to lose it. It would end up in screaming and crying until the man would finally have enough of it and kick the woman out, threatening to kill her if she didn't leave.

          Soon enough, the house was silent again and all that could be heard was the thumps of Christopher's foot steps as he made his way up the stairs. I held my breath as the footsteps stopped right in front of my door and soon enough, Christopher had opened it, his silhouette was visible due to the light from the moon of my open window.

          "Aye bitch, are you awake?" Christopher all but whispered, resulting in an annoyed sigh from me.

          "You don't need to use those words, I have a name you know?" I spoke calmly and all that I received was a chuckle.

          "Does it look like I give a fuck though? I don't wanna' use yo' name so whatchu' gon' do? Hit me? Maybe call mommy or somethin'?" He chuckled once again, leaning against the door frame.

          "Christopher, what's wrong with you? You were so sweet to me a few days ago." I sat up, frowning at him but I'm sure he couldn't see it. "Why don't you just show me the real you. Christopher this facade that you put up, this...this persona that you've created around yourself doesn't fool me. Why are you so determined on being rude? I know you're not like that." I spoke, climbing out of the bed and slowly making my way towards him.

          "Listen bitch, you don't know shit. I'm not kind so how about you fuck the fuck off, back to sleep and keep yo' mouth shut." I shook my head at his words, a frown still etched across my face.

          "You're a nice person, Christopher. You really are. You just make yourself seem like this horrible person and I honestly don't know why you do it, maybe it was your past or your upbringing but Christopher you're not like this. I can see it. You're nice to me but it's like you remember that you're a gang leader and suddenly, you're rude again. Just a few days ago, you killed the person who raped me. You took me out and we went and ate together. You never once used such vulgar language against me and on top of that, you only used my real name. You're hiding yourself from me, your real self. It's like you're putting a mask on every time you're around me or other people for that matter. Why can't you see that?" I stopped myself from going further, trying to catch my breath as I waited for a response from the man who I could tell was tense, he was radiating anger.

          It was silent for a moment too long and as I was about to open my mouth to say something, it felt like the air was knocked out of me as a pain rung through my head and my back. Christopher was right in front of me, my back against the wall as his hands pinned mine on either side of me. I looked up at him and although it was dark, I could see pure anger and fury in his eyes. I almost whimpered in fear and pain as his grip on my wrists tightened.

          "I've fuckin' had it with you, you lil' bitch. You're so fuckin' annoying, tryin' to find this person who you think is me but it's fuckin' not. I am Christopher Maurice Brown, how many fuckin' times do I have to say it until it get's through yo' thick ass skull. I'm rude, I'm mean, I'm motherfuckin' dangerous. I'm a murderer for fucks sake, a fucking gang leader. Do you not understand that? You can't be weak hearted and also be a gang leader. You can't have feelings, you can't have all of this shit. I am not who you so fuckin' badly, want me to be. I'm everything but nice. I don't have no fuckin' persona and I ain't hidin' some nice lil' boy. I'm gon' say it once and once only. I'm a fucking gang leader and I am not nice. I don't care about anyone or anything and I am not hiding some guy who you think is so nice. I'm like a fuckin' demon. What don't you get? You think you know so much but you don't know shit. Go back to fuckin' sleep and if you open your mouth about this again, I'll fuckin' end you." He was huffing by the end of it, his grip on my wrists was so tight that tears were threatening to fall.

          I stayed silent, letting him calm down. He gave me one last look before storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him and leaving me alone in the darkness. I took a few breaths, tilting my head up to prevent the tears from falling out before heading over to my bed.

          Even after that entire speech, I still didn't believe what he was trying to tell me. He did put up a persona and he did care. If he genuinely felt the way he did, he would've kicked me out already or killed me just like how easily he killed Drake. He doesn't notice the small actions he does in which give me a reason to believe that he isn't who he says he is.

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I hope you all listened to the song above or at least looked at the lyrics of it. I know you guys probably don't like BTS but the song does relate to who Christopher is and I just thought that it matched perfectly to this scene.