Nowhere Haven

Going The Wrong Direction

For several times, Oliver flinched and snapped out of his thoughts at the sharp pain in his thumb. Warmth emitted from the thumping sensation in his hand and Oliver frowned seeing single drops of blood travelling down the skin. He checked whether anyone was looking at him at the moment and once he figured he was all by himself, he quickly licked off the liquid. The metallic taste made him gag but didn't bother him for long. He stuffed his hand back into his coat pocket and pressed his other fingers against the wound to not have it stain the stuffing.

Since the day in the park, Oliver felt restless. His mind would continuously travel around the happening, making him shiver in nervousness every time. Today was the worst. Oliver couldn't call in sick for another day at work and the likeliness of crossing paths with Kazehiki almost drove him crazy.

His hand subconsciously travelled up his face once more before he noticed in time and decided to buy himself lunch to have something else to chew on instead. It was lunch break and the blond had ignored his coworker's messages about meeting up. Instead, he decided to wander around the blocks in the pouring rainfall, not knowing what to do with himself other than racking his brain in worry.

Oliver sighed relieved once he found a concession stand perking up inbetween the dull buildings. There weren't any seats but the roof was shelter enough for the blond to quickly order something and take a break from all the walking. He let the employee decide for him what to get as he didn't feel like he was capable of making a proper decision anyway. His attention was directed too much on what was awaiting him sooner or later.

When thinking back about it, Oliver frowned remembering the unpleasant fight he and Fukase had after they got back home. Fukase had remained composed throughout the car drive fairly well, but the blond knew his lover had to let his steam off at some point. Much to his surprise, it hadn't been directed at him. Oliver had already prepared to be yelled at for having resisted that harshly, instead, Fukase's mind had been more fixated on Kazehiki. The redhead's fit of rage lasted until late night hours, causing Oliver to feel fairly worn out from the lack of sleep, but he couldn't complain.

Oliver took a bite of his lunch and grimaced. His concerns made the food taste foul and his upset stomach made sure to alarm him that taking even one more bite might be a bad idea. He took the sandwich with him and made sure to get rid of it once he was out of sight.

There was still some time left until his lunch break was over and Oliver didn't know what to do. Returning to work earlier could risk him to stumble across Kazehiki, however, there was no other place in near he could think of going instead. Technically, the chance of meeting his coworker was just as high anywhere. Oliver felt a lump grow in his throat.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

Oliver managed to keep himself from screaming out loud at the sudden voice ringing in his ears. The harsh tone combined with the fulminating rainfall made a shiver crawl down his spine as he turned around to the source of the voice. Kazehiki looked him straight in the eye, his face completely emotionless. Oliver froze at this sight. His coworker almost was not to recognize with the seriousness in his expression.

Silence grew between the two as the blond was still processing the coincidence. Kazehiki sighed heavily and dragged Oliver with him under a building's roof nextby. Knowing that waiting for an answer would lead to nothing, he spoke up once again.

"Why did you walk away with him? I know what he does to you now. You know your excuses of accidently hurting yourself won't show any effect anymore now, no?"

Kazehiki's voice was quivering in impatience, something that made Oliver shudder heavily. He has never seen his coworker reacting that way and didn't know how to response. His attempts to appear more confident failed miserably so Oliver didn't say anything. Instead, his thoughts occupied his entire attention once more as Kazehiki's words reminded him of the happening in the park. The blond saw his attempts to be hiding his and Fukase's relationship crumble down one by one, sweeping the bit of platform he had under his feet with them.

Oliver was too captivated by the images in his head than to notice how hard he started shaking. Kazehiki stared at his coworker in shock as he noticed the blond's eyes to slowly tear up the longer the two of them stood in silence. It took him a few moments to compose himself until he managed to get his voice back to help Oliver snap out of his thoughts. Even though Kazehiki didn't have too much information about anything happening around Oliver, he had a hunch of what was happening to him at the moment.

"Don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault."

Oliver looked up for a second, but then averted his eyes. A frown crept up his face as he thought about Kazehiki's words once more. He knew himself very well that he was to blame as well, however, he didn't have the voice nor the power to speak up. His body seemingly decomposed under the situation he was in. His struggles to keep standing straight robbed enough of the energy he had, despite his increasingly flaming urge for shouting at his coworker. Oliver needed to get away and sort his thoughts. He felt like he wouldn't last like this much longer.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this. No one deserves something like this."

Oliver didn't say anything but the rage inside of him grew. As much as he despised his own situation, he couldn't stand anyone talking bad about it. Especially not if it involved Fukase. He felt Kazehiki's stare stabbing through him like sharp blades, keeping him from looking up himself. 

Oliver clenched his hands into fists in his coat pockets. The inevitable situation infuriated him even further, making it even more difficult for him to remain composed. The urge to just punch Kazehiki in the face to make him shut up ran through his veins. However, Oliver reminded himself that he would not get away easily if he let loose now.

Kazehiki has waited for Oliver to answer, but he noticed the blond to not make a single move. The incooperativeness of his counterpart began to nag on his patience.

"This sounds hard to believe now, but we'll find a way to solve this. Okay? ...okay?"

Kazehiki raised his voice slightly to dig through Oliver's thoughts. Even so, Oliver remained passive and even stepped back slightly, causing Kazehiki to raise his eyebrow irritated. Before he could say anything else, Oliver suddenly stepped forward.

"Mind your own business, okay?" Oliver grunted now. He wasn't trying to be polite and careful at that point. Kazehiki intruded in his life in ways the blond couldn't find a compromise with, leaving him no other choice but to approach the situation in a different angle.

Just as he was passing by his coworker, however, a tight grip on his shoulder pushed him back to where he had been standing before. This time, a pair of flaming eyes stared daggers through him, but through all the rage dwelling up inside of Oliver, it left him fairly unimpressed. Instead, his prior urge to punch Kazehiki in the face as hard as he could returned. He clenched his fists in his pockets once more.

"You know that I could call the cops any minute, right? But I respect that this would mean more harm than help for you, so let me do it then."

Kazehiki scanned his counterpart up and down for a moment but noticed no further reaction to be coming out of him. Without any further comment, he let go of Oliver and walked off to where he came from. Oliver watched him until the rain mixed with his stature. A sigh escaped his lips. Only now, that he calmed down from his rage fit, he noticed how far his apathy has tangeled up his life. Not knowing what else to do for now, he decided to take another walk through the city.

Oliver noticed that it has been a while the last time he thought of committing suicide. He had contemplated it several times a few years ago, but the savaging urge has faded away, leaving him with a distinct emptiness within him instead. Oliver knew it was bad news that his thoughts suddenly scraped that topic once again. The ecstasy from just now made him feel a little more alive, and suddenly, he wondered if he could not only take the easier way out of it.

Oliver internally shook his head quickly enough. Leaving Fukase now was out of question. The blond knew Fukase needed him – and he would be there for him. After all, there was still that promise he wouldn't break under any circumstances. There was a slight shift in emotions, and Oliver noticed the cycle to be closing once again.