Nowhere Haven

I'm Not Going Anywhere

Alea iacta est. 

Oliver stared at the home screen of his phone. The device weighted on his wrist, but he didn't put his arm down. With his mind struggling to detangle the knots in his head, his limbs lagged and twitched until he got a grip of the situation he had been in just a moment ago. One call might have been their portal to a better future, and even though it neither lasted very long nor did it sound crucial to any outside listener, it meant the world to him.

He looked down to the few notes scribbled on a piece of paper. His hands had been shaking whenever he had put the lead of his pencil on the crumpled sheet. Oliver made a mental note to rewrite them into their calendar before he wouldn't be able to identify the writing in a few months. But that was for later.

Two months—that's how long it would take. He and Fukase had been struggling for years, but there was a deadline to their lonely fight. Oliver managed with pleading and urging to set a semi-emergency appointment in just two months. There was yet a long time of dreading and praying for nothing to happen in the meantime, but Oliver was overjoyed nonetheless. 

Once the realization kicked in, he let go of his phone and rubbed his face as his insides twisted and turned. Excitement, fear, relief, doubt and worries all scattered across his body and wrenched his heart until it skipped a few beats. Oliver couldn't breathe but he was happier than ever. Despite the pain in his chest, he managed to put up a genuine smile. 

His strength and patience had been tested the past days once again, after Fukase had fallen back into his deeply apathic state right after they had had their closure. His partner had not only barely brought up the energy to care for himself, but he had also refused to talk more than necessary to anyone. While Oliver had been trying to push it off as temporary, no words of console could bring his shaken-up heart back in place. It was tough, but now there was hope again.

Oliver wanted to jump up and tell Fukase about it right away, hoping to see a bright smile on him, but his body was glued to the chair. He wasn't sure whether it was due to his numb legs from sitting for too long or his manifested hesitance towards Fukase at this point. Either way, he didn't move an inch and continued to dwell on the mixed feelings of relief all by himself.

Yet, that time was limited as soon as Fukase entered the kitchen in his typically reluctant pace and popped his head out the frame of the door. They shared silent stares, and Fukase's mouth dropped open a few times. No words once again. His head shook and he shut the door again, leaving Oliver perplexed at the peculiar behavior. Silence filled the room. Oliver wanted to follow and finally free himself off his trance as the sudden crash of the bathroom door bursting against the wall sent a shockwave through his nerves. He wasn't sure what he expected to have happened, but finding Fukase sitting on the threshold between the hallways and the bathroom wasn't one of it. Fukase looked up to him with the same pleading eyes he had worn just now, but pressed his lips together tightly. Only as Oliver kneeled down his expression softened. 

"Are you okay?" Oliver croaked out and reached out his hands. The gesture was met with a heavy flinch as soon as his shaky hand touched the sweaty forehead in front of him. Oliver pressed the back of his hands on Fukase's face a few more times and sighed.

"Are you sick again?"

Fukase turned his head away and didn't say anything but the pained frown on his forehead spoke for itself. Oliver watched his partner inch away and let out another heavy sigh. Fukase falling sick repeatedly was just another of the many burdens they had to deal with as of lately, and he could feel himself growing exhausted on the spot.

"I'm not mad, I'm just worried. The meds might make it even tougher for you, you know."

Fukase gave a slight nod and reluctantly broke off his stares from the wall to look back at Oliver. The frown hasn't worn off yet, but now it was accompanied by shaky breaths.