Nowhere Haven

Tears in Restlessness

"Honey, please get out of your room. You need to eat something." Oliver paused, waiting for a response, but there was nothing. He sighed internally. "It's all set on the table."

Oliver backed away from the door and took a seat on the dining table. His eyes wavered across the wooden surface, checking whether he had forgotten something. The stew was still steaming and Oliver dearly hoped for Fukase to come out soon, both for his sake and the meal he had actually been sitting on for a while.

Since the day of their argument, the atmosphere has changed drastically. Oliver and Fukase merely crossed paths at this point, making the blond worry ever so often whether his lover was even alive at times. Getting Fukase out of his room was near impossible, let alone talk to him.

Even so, Oliver didn't give up. He had called in sick the past days, despite knowing that this would only harm his work performance even more. Fukase's state was unsettling enough for him to not even think about his decision twice. As far as he knew the redhead, things were to be normalizing at some point again, and until then, Oliver hoped to convince Fukase that he would be there for him. Knowing that his partner quickly believed in flimsy evidence such as the photos from a few days ago, Oliver could barely muster a picture of how hurt his lover must feel.

The light creaking of a door tore Oliver out of his thoughts and he looked up, locking eyes with Fukase for a split second. The redhead's eyes quickly shifted to the table, leaving Oliver sitting there with no further response. The blond merely awaited another reaction coming from Fukase, but there was nothing. He sat down across Oliver and started eating without looking his partner in the eyes one more time. Oliver let the scene continue without any protest.

Fukase has been treating him with malicious silence ever since that day. They didn't speak a single word with each other, and Oliver couldn't quite hide his disappointment. He couldn't come up with an explanation why his partner decided to act in a way that was more self-destructive than offensive. Oliver knew best that Fukase used tactics he had learnt from his parents to defend himself in situations like these. Little did he know that the blond saw that it was hurting Fukase more than anything else, making Oliver wonder why Fukase even reconsidered it every single time. He decided to not say anything for another day. His own energy was not charged up enough for that.

After nearly gulping down every single bit, Fukase put down the cutlery and stared at the empty plate in front of him. He still didn't look up and merely fiddled with the napkin in-between his fingers.

"I hope you liked it."

Fukase froze for a moment but suppressed the habit of nodding his head. Oliver huffed and looked out the window. Despite knowing of his lover to merely be in a helpless state at the moment, he couldn't help but get upset at moments like these fairly quickly.

"I don't know why you're doing this, but it doesn't have much of an effect." Oliver didn't wait for a response this time, but grabbed the pot and walked with it back into the kitchen, leaving the redhead all to himself.

Oliver waited a few moments, hoping that Fukase would follow him to the kitchen, but there was nothing. Instead, muffled sobs travelled through the hallway, reaching faintly into the kitchen. The sound of it startled Oliver, but once he knew where it came from, a frown crept up his face. He struggled to keep in his own tears when hearing Fukase to be suffering this much.

Fukase's sobs grew louder, slowly nesting in Oliver's brain. He wiped off the few tears that have travelled down his cheeks and left the kitchen right away. As much Oliver wanted to show resentment for the way Fukase has been treating him lately, he couldn't ignore his partner's pain. The blond stopped in front of the halfway closed door leading to the living room, listening in to the scraps of mumbling in-between soft cries.

"Mom..you were right. I shouldn't have left you," Fukase croaked out inbetween his sobs. There was a numb thud following, but Oliver couldn't see what happened. He tried to peak into the room, however, he hesitated as soon as the door started creaking at the slightest push. Oliver bit his lip, hoping that Fukase was too occupied with his own thoughts to notice.

"I'm so sorry I am so bad all the time. I'll listen to you next time. I swear, really," Fukase's voice grew louder, albeit quivering in fear once more, "Just don't leave me as well. He..he.."

Oliver jumped out of his hideout and hurried right towards Fukase. He knew what the redhead was talking about and tried to save the situation as much as possible. The hopeless prospects of his counterpart clearly only worsened his hallucinations; Oliver couldn't just stand there and watch.

However, as soon as he swung his arms around Fukase, the redhead flinched and screamed at the sudden touch. His weak attempts to break off the embrace showed of little effect, but it made him panic only more.

"No! Please don't hurt me. I'm sorry! I-"

"I'm not going to hurt you. Fukase, it's me," Oliver muttered, trying to calm his lover down but the redhead would not stop wiggling under his grip. A blunt blow met the blond's face eventually and he backed off for a second. Fukase hid his face under his hands, still paralyzed in shock.

"Hey, don't listen to her," Oliver softened his voice and smiled weakly, hoping to get his lover's attention this way. He made sure to keep his distance but stroke across Fukase's back nonetheless. "You know you can't trust her. You know it."

Oliver waited for a response, but there was nothing. The crying only quieted down after a while and Fukase's body stopped twitching in panic. The blond took that as a sign to scoot closer and lean his head on Fukase's shoulder. He stared at the broken plate in front of his feet that must have caused the noise earlier. Either that or his partner sitting with him on the floor.

"But then ...who can I trust?" Fukase cried out while wiping his tears. Oliver's heart ached. Fukase's obvious distrust hurt him more than he anticipated. Even so, he tried to gulp it down and ignore it for now.

"I don't know anymore....what is this?" Fukase turned his head and locked eyes with Oliver after what has felt like years for the two of them. Oliver's breathing hitched at the anxious expression all over Fukase's face. He froze in both shock and confusion. "Is this even love anymore if there's so much cheating?"

"I know you won't listen to me no matter what I say," Oliver sighed and turned his head away from his lover. "But if there's more to it than you pretend, then tell me now."

Oliver didn't expect to hear any sorts of confessions. Solely the idea of Fukase actually hiding such a secret himself – hence the absurd obsession about Oliver's meaningless slip – sounded bizarre. Nonetheless, he waited for Fukase to speak up again, who continued to hesitate with his words.

Fukase slowly shook his head and looked back to Oliver, however, the blond did not turn his head. "I could never even think of cheating on you. I love you."

Fukase hoped that Oliver would respond the same way, but his statement was met with silence. The blond merely gritted his teeth, trying to hold back the growing tornado of emotions.

"And I was hoping that you loved me too. We made a promise, Oliver. We're soulmates. What else do you need to be loyal to me?"

The quivering tone in Fukase's voice sent Oliver off this time. His head snapped to the redhead's side, locking eyes once again, this time, with resentment reflecting in them. Fukase flinched at the sight of his lover, but was cut off as he tried to figure out what was happening.

"I don't need a single thing you offer me. I love you regardless of all. But I'm not willing to put up with your ridiculous accusations anymore. I've never cheated on you and never will, but if you rather want to listen to those malicious voices in your head, then that's your problem from now on."

Unable to control his own outburst of emotions, Oliver stood up and shook off Fukase's hand reaching out to him. He didn't need to hear Fukase's protests nor cries for help at that point. His own inner walls were on the verge of breaking down once more and he could barely hold back the thundering storm. Without looking back to Fukase, he walked off back to the kitchen, yelling out the last prominent words burying their conversation in remorse and silence.

"I can leave if you want me to. If you can't trust me anymore, so be it. Then we'll part ways. Just tell me ahead of time."