Nowhere Haven

Watching the Flame Die

Days passed by and the situation didn't get any better. Oliver was working overtime on purpose to give Fukase more space in hopes for him to turn back to normal much quicker, but he never did. Fukase continued to talk to him only if absolutely necessary and denied any further contact. Oliver was going crazy like this.

Fukase had retrieved into his room after he had woken up and returned to his old habits. The rare times Oliver spotted his partner somewhere in the apartment were tainted with cold glances and bitter smiles, with no sight of the love and care Oliver had been praying and craving for. Even though Fukase took a lower dose of the medication by now, his body and mind visibly turned dull with every further day. Oliver was afraid that it would take not much longer until he had a hollow puppet wandering around in the apartment.

He tried to be patient and understanding, putting himself in Fukase's place and how he must be struggling, but no matter the scolds and reminders he put up for himself, his frustration only nurtured on those empty promises. 

Nothing was normal anymore. 

Oliver didn't leave the apartment earlier just to avoid Fukase in the morning, he didn't have lunch breaks with Kazehiki at work, he came back home feeling rather tired and defenseless than wary and didn't flinch whenever Fukase crossed his way. The monotonous days piled onto one another, merging into what could almost feel like a daily routine and Oliver shivered. He despised the way things had been before, but this was certaintly not what he had been fighting for. 

Oliver started to hate it all. Times were not fine back then, not now, and it looked like they never would be. With every further glance towards Fukase and the aggressive tension they had to bear with, he fought with his last scrambles of patience and willpower to continue this play any longer. Today was his breaking point. 

He couldn't just stay and watch fate take away the bit of power he had over his life just a few weeks ago, which is why Oliver had decided that day to not be considerate anymore but to return to being selfish. Especially towards Fukase. He needed to hear Fukase's voice again, feel his touch, know that he was still alive both inside and out. There was no way out of an eventual confrontation.

Fukase always left his room for a snack during the late evening hours, and so Oliver decided to wait for him this time. He was rocking on the chair, biting his nails and tearing on the cuticles until his fingers bled. They were throbbing and burning but it only calmed down his nerves. Fukase was unpredictable, and particulary now, there was no way to plan ahead. Oliver hated moments like these. 

Footsteps suddenly rang in Oliver's ears and his head perked up. They neared the kitchen and familiar red hair popped out from behind the door frame. Oliver froze in place and so did Fukase once he spotted him. His head shook mechanically, but then turned to the side and he steered to the fridge. The door openened and filled the room with subtle buzzing. Oliver watched the scene for a while and gulped. There was the same distant aura again. Fukase was so far out of reach. 

"Fukase."

There was a flinch in his movement, but he continued. Silence hovered over their heads.

"Fukase, please," Oliver sighed and bit it lip, "Please talk to me."

Oliver pressed his torso against the back of the chair, preventing himself from jumping up and shaking Fukase's stiff body. He wanted to shake the trance out of his eyes and mouth and hands, but knew very well that any contact might only disturb his partner any further. If he wanted to have a proper conversation, it had to be induced but not forced. How easy it was to say those words. 

Fukase closed the fridge with empty hands and glanced over to the table for a second. Oliver held his breath, praying that Fukase would not ignore him any longer, but his hopes got crushed right away as the redhead turned on his heels and reached for the door.