His Shadow

3

It was almost Christmas time and life was strange; however, I can't say that it was bad. We were just waiting for the breaking point and it hadn't come yet.

We never talked about what went on for the months that we were apart. As soon as Alexander found out that the boy is his, he did everything possible to cherish the time until the baby came. 

However, when we would get close to talking about the last few months, one of us would immediately end the conversation and we'd return to simple small talk. That's one of the things that was back to normal. We didn't talk unless it was work or baby related. I don't know whose fault that was, but it didn't really matter. It was clear that we didn't want to talk.

Alexander wouldn't let me back to work at all. In fact, he actually didn't go to work either, only when absolutely necessary. He had become extremely paranoid and I couldn't blame him, but I also didn't appreciate it.

What sucked the most, however, is that his apology wasn't very active in his life. For the most part, we were apart, even if we were both in the same house. He wouldn't come up and hug me or kiss me and seemed to lack all emotional connections with me. We still lived in separate rooms, which made my heart ache. It also gave me some stability. 

However, when we were talking about the baby, he would be very excited right away. I would constantly tell him when the baby was kicking and he loved it. He'd place his hand on my belly and smile when he felt his son kick. 

I guess it was just upsetting. I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss the 'kidnapped' life and the family that I obtained then. I guess a part of me had thought Alexander truly changed and I was expecting more from him, and when I saw that it wasn't real and I had just made up a fantasy expectation for him, it made me homesick once again for everything I left behind.

"You know," I said after spending many boring hours on the couch, "It's going to be Christmas in less than a week."

Without lifting his eyes off of the computer, Alexander nodded.

With a sigh, I continued, "Maybe we could decorate?"

He raised an eyebrow and responded, "You know exactly why we don't. Please don't bring up topics we already discussed, Maria."

I thought back to the 'discussion' we had. It went something like this:

Alexander: No, we won't be decorating. It is a silly tradition meant to waste money and time. 

Me: It does contribute to the spirit of Christmas, and I-

Alexander: Maria, we will not be participating in such meaningless activities designed for inefficient people who throw away money. End of discussion.

Me (with a sigh): Of course, I understand.

Alexander: Please get the documents ready for my meeting in an hour.

Me: Of course.

I was fine with this conclusion that we reached, but now, after seeing how beautiful and wonderful it was to greet Christmas with so much more Christmas spirit, I wanted to get back some of that and so I wasn't fine with the conclusion anymore. 

"Alexander, we never really-"

He finally looked up at me. "What? We discussed it and we came to a conclusion. Must you always bring back questions we already examined? It's inefficient."

I closed my eyes and I was about to say 'Of course, Sir' but something stopped me. I deserved to say something.

"Alexander, please listen. It would just make me feel-" I started saying, trying to calmly express my opinion and feelings.