His Shadow

25

A few short days later, I was going back to New York. It was crazy to think that after so much time had passed, an entire year and then some, I was going to see Alexander once again. And this was the final decision that I would have to make regarding my relationship life... was it going to be him or Misha?

Thankfully, Misha was absolutely supportive in my decision to go get a divorce. He was even more supportive of the idea of me staying with Alexander if it turned out that everything went well, which was slightly strange but at the same time, completely understandable. If he supported this now, then if I didn't come back, he wouldn't be all that upset about it. 

It also meant a lot to me that after that one night that we had together, he didn't attempt to do anything else. He completely left that part of our love untouched and I knew that although he hated it, he did it just out of respect for my wishes, and I loved that. 

It was difficult going away knowing that there was a good chance I wouldn't come back. I made sure that I left behind a lot of my belongings so that even if I decided to stay with Alex, I would be able to see the boys once more. 

By now, Jonathan could talk better, although his vocabulary was still very short. But as he stood and waved bye to everyone and told each of them that he loved them and he will see them later, it broke my heart. 

I walked up to each one of them as well and said my goodbyes. I knew that I'd see them once more at least once, so these goodbyes were not as painful as I had anticipated them to be. 

Of course, saying goodbye to Misha was the most difficult. I wanted so much for this to not be the last time I would see him, but at the same time, I wanted to have my family with Alexander. God, why did this have to be so hard?

He smiled at me and then pulled me into a hug. "I love you, Maria. And remember, stay with Alex if you need to. I want you to stay with him."

I frowned. "No, you don't."

He laughed, and I felt his chest vibrate as he did so. "You're right, I don't. But if you have any doubts, then I do. Then I do because then I won't be able to love you anymore."

I frowned again. "How would you know if I had doubts?"

"Ah, Maria, I can read you like an open book!" He turned to Stephan. "Now, please take away Jonny so that I can kiss his mom one last time."

I gasped, laughing as Stephan rolled his eyes and then proceeded to pull Jonny towards the opposite direction. I turned to face Misha. He looked at me for a second, his eyes squinting against the sun. 

"You said that you wouldn't do it again."

"I lied."

"You know you're making me very hesitant about going back."

"I know. But I also know that it won't stop you from choosing Alexander again. He's your first love, and somehow, those usually win."

I laughed. "I wish you were wrong... but at the same time, I'm glad you're right."

"Well... I'm going to kiss you again, and you better not break it this time until I do first." 

I laughed, and Misha pulled me in, gently, and then softly placed his lips on mine. I melted into it, and into him, again. It felt so wonderful, knowing that this kiss meant so much made it so special and full of love. 

Yet, all great things at some point come to an end. 

He broke away and then gave me a kiss on the forehead, his arm tight around my neck, not letting me escape, even if I wanted to. I pressed my hear to his chest, hearing his heart beat strong and lively. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent, letting my arms run along his back once more. 

Eventually, however, he let me go. I didn't want to pull away, but I had to. And I did, just in time. 

Jonny came running up to me, and I grabbed him in my arms, letting his little arms wrap around me. He stretched out his arm to Misha, who took it, and then enveloped the both of us into another one of his strong hugs. 

I smiled. "I won't be upset if I have to come back, Misha."

He nodded. "I know. But I will be very upset if you come back if there is a chance you and Alex can work things out."

I nodded against his chest. I pressed a kiss to Jonny's head as he rested his head on my shoulder. "You know, Misha, if I do stay, I'll want to come back to you just to visit at least... and I know Jonathan would want that too. So..."

I could almost feel Misha smile. "So you can come back and visit us whenever you want. I'll never be upset about seeing you or your son, Maria. But... I do believe you need to leave now. Remember everything... what I said and... what I didn't."

I smiled as I slowly backed away from him. "I know, I never will forget."

He smiled back. "Goodbye buddy," he waved at Jonny, who lifted his head from my shoulder and waved back. 

"Buh-uh, Miffa!" He said as best as he could. 

I smiled and then blew a kiss to them all, and Jonny proceeded to follow my example. They all laughed and waved as I turned around and headed towards my new destination. Heading towards an answer, that would decide the rest of my life. Heading towards... the unknown.

At least I had my Jonathan with me. And a God, who, despite all of the awful mistakes I'd committed throughout my life, still continued to love me and bless me.

Throughout the plane rides, I kept thinking about how I would face Alexander again. It had been over a year, and this time, I wasn't coming back alone. He didn't know that, of course, but it was still something that I worried about.

From what I had heard over the news, he had gotten the business back up and running. I knew that it didn't bother Stephan or the gang anymore. They'd also moved on towards accomplishing other things. 

I didn't hear anywhere in the news about him getting together with any other women, although that didn't necessarily mean that they weren't there. It just meant he was either hiding it or the media didn't care about him any longer. 

Whatever the reasons, I still had a chance of reuniting with him. That scared me just as much as the thought of not reuniting with him scared me. 

I had decided I wouldn't bring Jonathan into the room with me until after I had talked with Alex on my own first. Then... then I would bring to him this little bundle of joy and love, who happened to act and look exactly like Alexander.

Maybe then, he would accept us back into his life. 

I didn't know what the future held for me. I didn't know if Alexander had changed or not after not hearing or seeing him for such a long time. 

But it didn't matter. I was already headed there, and he was already waiting for me. 

What happened would happen. 

I knew God was in control, and I knew that I trusted Him no matter what. 

So I settled back in my seat, with Jonny in my lap, and begun to read him a book.