His Shadow

20

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for flying with us today. We are now preparing to land. Please keep your seatbelts on and tilt your seats up. Once again, thank you for flying with us and we hope you had a wonderful flight."

I let out a trembling sigh. I was very nervous but also a little bit excited. It was the adrenaline rushing through my veins, giving me a rush of nervousness and excitement. 

Throughout the entire ride, I couldn't stop thinking about Alexander. I hated leaving him, I wanted to go back to him so bad...

But then I would remember the words that he said to me and how much he meant them. I had lost him. I had done a horrible, horrible mistake and now I lost him. It was my fault and I knew that. 

At the same time, I wasn't going to let my entire life become rotten and awful because I was foolish. So, I had tried to be very excited and happy about seeing Misha again. 

And actually... I was excited. But I didn't really know how I would have to react to seeing him again. Did I act very excited and hug him, or did I need to act calm and collected? It didn't feel right to be excited about seeing him when I just left my husband. 

The plane landed and soon, the passengers began to stand up and file out of the plane. I took another deep breath. 

"God, please, let me do the right thing from now on. I don't want to mess up so big in my life anymore. Lead me and guide me please, Lord. Amen." 

I stood up and grabbed my bags. This was it. I had officially left my old life in the past and was going towards a new future. Was it a better future? I'm not sure. Was I happy that I was coming into this future? Unfortunately, no, I still really wished that something had worked out between me and Alexander. 

I walked out of the plane and through the lines to get to where the arrivals stood. I looked around, searching through the crowds for the familiar face. I didn't know if he received my message in time, but I really hoped that he was here and waiting for me. 

As I frantically continued to search, my heart sped up and I realized that although I was never going to forget Alexander, I was very glad that it was Misha I was going to and I knew that at least I would have a good future with him.

Most of the people around me had cleared up and I took that as a chance to squeeze to the front of the crowd and search for Misha. I could make out in the distance the very beautiful places that we had gone to visit when we were here, and that brought back a flood of memories I had forced myself to forget. But now, I allowed myself to fully remember each detail and once again appreciate all the lessons that he taught me. 

I continued to frantically search around. Ugh, it was horrible not knowing if he ever received my message or not. There was a very high chance that he never got the 'telegram' or whatever it was that the flight assistant told me that I could send, and that meant here I was standing like an idiot searching for someone that would never show up.

"Little guy," I whispered to my baby boy, gently rubbing my belly, "I really hope he got the message. Ugh, it is so nerve-wracking not knowing what's going to happen to us. But I promise you that I will make sure you've got a wonderful future, little one."

My stomach grumbled. I hadn't eaten for a while and I barely had any money left with me. I needed to save this money in case Misha never received this message and I would have to go out and somehow get to him myself. Assuming they were still even in this country. 

I couldn't stay on my feet anymore, so I sat down on a nearby bench. I watched as one group of people left out of a plane and then slowly dissolved as they left the airport either with their loved ones or alone in taxis. Another group also came by and then disappeared. I saw watching as groups came and left. I must have seen a hundred of them. Not one person even gave me a glance as I sat on the bench, hungry, tired, and alone.