His Shadow

12

As soon as I said that, it felt like I was Atlas who had just been relieved of carrying the world on his shoulders... it felt simply wonderful and I could finally rest.

Everything (well, at least a lot) was now out in the open and so we could freely discuss things.

It was a little difficult discussing things, however, mostly because Alexander stood still and very, very silent. I didn't say anything either, but that was mostly because I was walking out of the room without looking back at my statue-husband. Of course, it was a strategic move, because I hoped he'd run after me and start another argument that would, once again, lead to some more revelations.

I heard a few hard footsteps behind me and smiled. Yes! It had worked. In a few short seconds, he grabbed me by my arm and spun me around so I would face him. I stared into his dark eyes that were filling up with so many emotions and expressions, it was very difficult to identify them. In fact, the entire aura that surrounded him was confused and troubled.

"H-H-" he took a deep breath and I just now noticed how shaky his fingers were and how there was sweat on his forehead. He opened his mouth to attempt to say whatever he needed to again. "H-H-He's-s al-alive?"

I nodded. "Very much alive." 

Hmm. I was certainly expecting him to first say something about the whole 'in love' thing, but I guess I could see how this would be a shock as well.

He paled and closed his eyes, breathing heavily. I stared at him, trying to read this strange behavior. Alexander usually managed to keep himself collected but he was definitely struggling right now. I took his hand and led him to the couch where he sat down. I grabbed him some water that he downed in one gulp, leaving me shocked.

"Wh-why?"

I sighed heavily. Where did I start? I had to go back such a long time to unlock memories I'd kept bottled up in high-security safe's. I thought back to Russia and the wonderful ball and the wonderful nights at the hotel. I thought back to Japan, but for some reason, I couldn't remember much about that place. 

India... that was such a special memory because that's when I first realized Misha meant something more to me than I ever dared to admit. It scared me, but it also thrilled me. 

I shook my head. No, no, I couldn't think about that. I knew I had made a horrible mistake and Alexander never deserved anything that I did to him, no matter how coldly he sometimes treated me. 

I looked at Alexander to see his eyes waiting for me to give him an answer. I sighed once more and dug through my memories, careful to stay clear from the ones that also stimulated emotions I hoped to lock away.

"If I remember correctly, he was immediately rushed to the hospital and it was found that he could still be saved. They, by a huge miracle, saved him and he had to go through years and years of therapy to get back usage of his arms and legs and basically everything in between. It was a deed of the Lord, really." 

I thought back to when he told me about that... strange, I couldn't remember much. I think it was in Russia, possibly as we were touring one of those breathtaking museums or cathedrals. 

Ah, yes! It was the day I realized just how much I valued Misha and just how much I needed him in my life... the day we visited the Moscow Subway Station and he made me fall in love with him, and with my life. I learned to enjoy life that day. 

"Maria... God, you're a horrible, awful woman. You actually liked him! What the hell?" Alexander suddenly said, causing an abrupt halt to my memory slideshow.

He was glaring at me, seeming completely broken and betrayed... and I hated that.

"You were smiling. You are- you're so pathetic and awful, I think I might hate you a little bit." He scowled at me and I took it all because I knew I deserved every single word.