Finding Emily

{Chapter 9}

    "He's so overprotective," Star said when she heard about what happened and then went over to Becca's house to check on her friend. "It's cute really if not a little annoying, and I'm sorry I told him about you and Lenny. You know how I get when I'm drunk."

  "I don't mind. It happened ages ago so whatever," Becca said with a shrug as they sat on her bed listening to some song by a local band that Kyle swore was going to be the next big thing, and Star said was so horrible that Becca just had to hear it. They both loved to laugh over his terrible taste in music, but Becca wasn't finding it so funny for some reason.

  "So you and Lenny..."

  Star raised her eyebrows suggestively as her sentence trailed off. She looked so happy for her friend. Star was wearing her old army jacket, and her pink and blond hair was in its usual random pony tails and twists. She looked thrilled at the idea Becca might have some romance in her life. Becca also admitted how she felt about Thomas, and they had a long talk about life and love. It felt good to share.

  "Oh... no," Becca said with a bit of an embarrassed laugh. "I can't even think about any of that right now."

  "Of course you can," Star said with a scoff as she kicked her sneakers off and curled up under the covers beside her friend. Becca felt like she lived all of her life in bed these days. "You shouldn't stop living. You're eighteen, and Emily would want you to move on. She was always trying to kick your butt into gear and go for it with the guys you liked."

  Becca wished Star would stop assuming what Emily would have wanted.

  "I just want you to have some happiness in your life..." Star said awkwardly after a long moment of silence; the only sound the bad punk rock pumping out of Star's phone. "You can't just curl up in this bed and stay here forever."

  "Maybe not, but right now... I can't even imagine being happy again."

    Star looked as if she was going to cry, and Becca regretted her words.

  "I'm sorry," Star said after a moment as she twirled a long strand of frizzy blond hair around her index finger. There was an ugly plastic spider ring that she had gotten from a gumball machine a couple of months earlier on her first date with Kyle to the movies, and she'd worn it ever since. "We just found her... and..."

  "I just don't want to see you hurting," Star admitted. "I want you back in our lives."

  "I know," Becca said quietly.

  "And I want Emily back – and I know you do too. God, I can't imagine how much it must hurt. I just feel like you need to get out of this house and if you don't you'll never start to move on," Star babbled. "Maybe it would be good for you."

  "Maybe," Becca admitted. ".... Uh, my Mom went to a uh... mental health type place yesterday afternoon. I didn't get to say goodbye to her. She lost it after the memorial service, and my Aunt thought it was best that she went to a place where they could keep an eye on her for a while."

  Star went quiet at this news. "Wow."

  "Yeah."

  "I'm glad she's getting help at least..." Star said after a moment.

  "Me too," Becca admitted. "It was getting scary. I just don't know what we're going to do, and that's why I can't think of this Lenny stuff. That's why I can't leave this room. I don't want any of this. I don't want this world, and I don't want any of this life. I want to just... start over."

  Star held her friend as she cried and cried.