Finding Emily

{Chapter 17}

   The senior picnic was four days before graduation, and Becca decided to wait until then to talk to Jamie. She was going to break up with him. She thought about it, and she knew it wasn't fair to be with him considering she was still in love with Kyle. She hadn't told Kyle either. It was difficult to think about as she got dressed and tried to think of the words to say to Jamie. She was going to ruin another friendship.

  She felt guilty as she walked to the picnic. The picnic was almost over, and Jamie sent her a text saying he was waiting for her. He was still at the park with a group of friends, and they were laughing and talking while they cleaned up the table. She then noticed Kyle hanging out on a picnic table with a group of kids. She inwardly groaned. Why did he have to be here? She was about to break up with Jamie. She didn't want an audience. She wasn't sure if she should wait or not.

  "Are you feeling better?" Jamie asked as he got her a bottle of 7-up out of the cooler.

  "Yeah, a lot," she said quickly as she accepted the drink. "Do you want to talk a walk around the park? I need to stretch my legs a little more."

  "Sure thing," he said as he dusted off his shorts. "I'll see you later guys."

  His friends said goodbye, and they started off down the green path towards the swings. She loved to walk here with Jamie, and it was where they had their first kiss. It was going to be a lot harder she realized now that she looked him in the eyes. She adored Jamie. She probably wouldn't be so quick to toss him aside if he weren't going off to Boston in the fall. He was going to Emerson, and all he talked about was his dorm and interesting things in the city he was looking forward to seeing or doing while she knew her parents were struggling just to send her to the state school where she was accepted and was probably going to attend even though she hadn't ruled out Minnesota yet. 

  Boston though and the places where she would love to visit or live weren't in the cards for her. Jamie's future sounded like a life she couldn't even dream of having, and she had to admit that a part of her decision to end it with him. It made her feel insecure and as if she were wasting her time. She knew she was being silly, but it was a weird time in their lives. It had to be considered.

  Also because she loved Kyle more than she would ever understand.

  "You look sleepy," Jamie said affectionately as he reached for her hand.

  "Yeah, I just woke up not too long ago," she admitted.

  "Aw," he said with a half-smile. "Well, you look beautiful."

  "Uh, thanks," she said awkwardly as they walked down the tree-lined path and past the baseball fields where little league teams were already practicing. It was a typical Saturday, and here she was ready to break someone's heart. Especially someone she cared about so deeply, and who was a great friend to her. She realized Jamie deserved so much better than she could give him.

  She felt him physically still, and she knew then that he realized something was wrong. He stopped and stared at her. 

  "Are you okay?"

  "No," she admitted as she tucked her hair behind her ear as she always did when she was nervous – Kyle said it was adorable. "Listen Jamie... I really, really like you, but-"

  He looked like she had punched him in the stomach. "You're breaking up with me. So is that why you've been avoiding me?"

  "I've been avoiding everyone," she said. "I was just... I was thinking it over, and I needed some space."

  "I suppose a beautiful Saturday while I'm with my friends was the perfect time."

  "I just didn't want to do it on the phone or at school or something," she said, and she hated the emotion that came into her voice as he was the one being hurt here after all.