Finding Emily

{Chapter 24}

     Kyle moved back with his parents. She couldn't pretend she wasn't relieved that he hadn't moved in with Jenny although she knew she shouldn't care after what happened, but she did. It was her first real heartbreak. She managed to get through Christmas without any major breakdowns even though he kept calling and occasionally even stopping by and trying to get her back. He even left her Christmas presents on the porch, but she donated them to charity. She didn't even want to know what they were.

  Her parents calmly accepted the news, but she knew they were both relieved that he was out of her life. Her Mom said it was too soon to settle down anyway, and Becca agreed, but secretly she missed him more than she could ever say. He really was her best friend, and it hurt that he'd thrown it all away. He tried to talk her into giving it another go, and he gave her the same speech he did outside of Brian's house, and he asked her if she was okay with living her life without him. She said she was even though she wasn't, but it was the right thing to do even though it hurt. 

  She missed him. She missed laughing with him and his arms around her. She missed his smile, and the protected feeling he gave her. He'd made her feel beautiful and cherished. It was like he had stripped away all those feelings with one swipe.

  The next semester Becca joined the theater program since it seemed Star had such a good time with the Great Gatsby, and she was wonderful in it. She received several positive reviews from the local press, and she put them all on her wall for inspiration. It was her dream to be in theater now – then she would be a teacher, she explained. 

   They were putting on Little Women this semester, and Becca auditioned and got the part of Jo. She was having a lot of fun with it especially since the part of Laurie was a very good looking guy named Paul who she started dating a few weeks into play rehearsal. Star said she was insanely jealous as he was the best looking guy in the program – well, the best looking straight guy she clarified.

  It didn't work out with Paul, but it wasn't because of anything either of them did. He ended up transferring back to Wisconsin after his father's health took a turn for the worse. She respected him making such a sacrifice for his family, and she missed him. After Paul; she dated a few guys, but mostly she enjoyed being just friends with boys again. It was a new experience. She felt like a real college student. She even went to some frat parties which she knew would have made Emily proud.

  "I don't think I'm going to find anyone as hot as Paul though," Becca complained to Star as they sat on the hood of her old van that was still – miraculously said Becca – running.

  "I doubt it," Star said helpfully, and they grinned at one another.

  "God he was pretty."

  "I know. I still fantasize about him sometimes."

   Kyle didn't give up for a long time. He stopped calling every day, but he still occasionally left her a voicemail trying to plead with her to please just talk to him. She didn't hate him any longer. She missed him, but mostly she missed how special he'd made her feel. It had been an interesting first love, and she wished it had ended better, but she had to remind herself it could have been worse. At least she got out before she made too big a fool of herself, she thought. 

  It hurt to see him. She would randomly see him down an aisle of the grocery store, and it would remind her of them picking out ingredients for whatever masterpiece he was planning. They loved to write down all the odd things in recipes they found online and give them a try. Those were the good times though.

   Becca was relieved to find out he wasn't dating Jenny either, and that gave her some comfort even though she knew it shouldn't. Jenny was back with her fiancee which was good as he was the father to her two-year old daughter. Becca thought she would hate seeing Jenny around town, but she found herself not caring. Jenny confessed and tearfully begged for Becca's forgiveness a few weeks after it happened. She said she was having a rough year with her Mom being sick, and Kyle had been so comforting. Becca couldn't be too angry. After all she knew exactly how tempting someone like Kyle could be. He made her feel like she was the only girl in the world. It was like a drug.