Irredeemable (TeacherxStudent) Andy Biersack

Chapter X - The light of my life

I was woken up by the stripe of sunlight that shines through the blinds, still in Andys arms. I took a while to look at him peacefully sleeping before I yawned and stretched like a kitten. He slowly opened his eyes and sighed, tightening his grip around me and pulling me into a loving hug.

I just wanted this moment to last forever, lazily laying here next to him, both naked, staring at his wonderful eyes and still swollen lips from our last night. He caught my stare and smiled, not breaking our eye contact which made me giggle.

"So, are you gonna tell me what upset you last night that much that you ran into hands to a maniac who cuffed you to his bed?" he said in his even deeper, hoarse morning voice with playful smirk on his face, rubbing his thumb against my cheek. His words reminded me of my bruises on my wrists, I am still amazed and surprised that I enjoy things like that. I buried my head into the crook between his neck and shoulders quietly humming as a sign that I don't wanna talk about it. Andy slowly stroked my back only with his fingertips and I felt this electricity between us again. His hands slowly dancing along my backbone made me quiver and feel safe again.

I looked up at him and I saw sparkles in his wonderful eyes. It left me speechless for a moment. How could someone be so handsome when he just woke up? I concentrated only on his touch. It made me feel like nothing on this world matter. Like it's just him and me and I blushed. I was at the moment when Andy lightly kissed me when I decided to tell him everything. The slight touch of his soft lips on mines took me to another dimension where knew I can finally be honest. Where there is someone who will actually listen to me.
I started telling him about my relationship with my parents. How I should know that they love me but I am still worried that they would have been better off without me. I felt no fear or shame when I was telling him about my desperate calls for attention and help such as self-harming or starving myself. I don't know how I found the right words and brave to do so, but I even told him about that one time wheb I actually tried to commit a suicide just because I thought I am worthless and nobody would ever miss me. I felt lump in my throat when I was describing my school life and how I've learned to ignore everyday insults from other kids. How I basically have to hide everything I feel because there will always be someone constantly making fun of it. And how I totally closed myself because I knew noone could ever love or care about such a mess I am.

My speech was long and full of emotions. I was out of breath when I was done and I've noticed there is a tear on my cheek. I snapped back to reality and I've realized that I am full of anger. My fists were clenched, my cheeks were burning red and my blood was nearly boiling. I lost it at that moment. I felt panic attack coming and I screamed. My body was shaking and there was nothing I could do about it.

But Andy could and he did. Even tho I was out of my kind, he didn't freak out. He held me so close and started to whisper to me. He told me to listen to his heartbeat and so I did. I felt how warm he is and how protectively he behaves towards me. That's right. I don't have to fear demons in my head anymore. Now, when Andy is around, I am not alone. I don't have to deal with it on my own. He is my saviour. He is my light in the darkness of my life. I started to calm down and even the shaking of my body got better. I counted the beats of Andys heart and when I counted to ten I took a deep breath and I was back. Andy was still holding me close and I kept on sobbing quietly. He kissed my forehead gently and then whispered to my ear: "Did you listen to my heart as I've told you to?". I nodded. "It's beating for you, okay?"

And that was it. That was something noone has ever told me. Something I thought was even impossible. He doesn't only make me feel good. He makes me feel loved and protected. He makes me feel like an actual human being but most importantly, he makes me feel alive. And I love him for it. I truly and genuinely love him.

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- Wow, it's been like forever, hasn't it? Damn, I don't even know, I just felt so uninspired lately, maybe even lazy, whatever. I just hope I am back ^^

- Yeah, soft and sweet chapter, I know, I might have changed a little, because I am currently at the point of my life when I am actually happy and I don't wanna ruin it, but don't worry, it will still be really smutty :P

- Also, wow, thanks for so many reads, we're almost at 1k, love you guys :3

- Katie out ^~^