Irredeemable (TeacherxStudent) Andy Biersack

Chapter XII - Still a mess

I got clothed somehow. Well 'clothed'. I had just Andys white shirt and my black lacy panties I had found earlier on the floor. No socks, no bra. My legs and hands were shaking. My whole body was. I closed my eyes for a second, breathed deeply and remembered everything we did with Andy.

I smiled for myself and I swear I could feel Andys touch on my body again. I felt shivers going down my spine and I bit my lip. I do that a lot, yeah, I know. I kind of hugged myself and snuggled into his shirt I was wearing. It was cosy and big, the sleeves were too long for me so I had to roll them up and it ended at my knees. It smelled pleasant. Just like Andy. I couldn't stop smiling. I was too deep in love with him. With my math teacher. I chuckled again as I was so happy and so full of emotions. I finally felt alive and it was beautiful. I stepped out o the bedroom, leaving all the mess behind. Clothes all over the room and messy bed. I felt a bit guilty about not cleaning it up but it's not my house, wouldn't that be weird? I sighed. I didn't know what to do at that moment. After seconds of hesitating, I remembered that Andy had told me to just get dressed and go downstairs. No cleaning. And after all, we could clean it later together.

I heard plates and cutlery clinking and I slowly went downstairs. Andy was sitting at the table, watching me. I made sure to sexily sway my hips with every step. He never broke eye contact. His eyes were hungry. I moved my hand close to my face and bit my thumb a little while I winked and smirked towards him and he chuckled. Maybe he found funny how I acted like a needy child or that even after all those orgasms I still tried to seduce him.

I sat down next to him. "It smells so good," I said with a smile and eyes lighten up. It did smell really good, he made us scrambled eggs with bacon and chopped tomatoes. "I didn't know you are such a good cook." I said and looked at him with a bright warm smile. He smiled back at me and leaned close to me. I knew what was about to happen but I still felt nervous for some reason. I closed my eyes and waited. I needed that little contact so much. His lips finally connected with mine and I could feel the electricity again. The kiss was sweet and long. No tongue or saliva, just cute, romantic kiss. When he was pulling back he bit my bottom lip gently and then smirked saying: "Thank you. Eat up, sweetie."

I smiled like crazy. I was just staring at him, blushing and I wasn't able to do anything else. He handed me a fork and stroked my hand. I almost couldn't believe how happy I was at that very moment. My heart literally skipped a beat and the room was getting warmer and warmer. I felt so hot as all the blood had rushed into my head.

We started waiting and it didn't just look and smell good, it was also delicious. I know, scrambled eggs aren't such a difficult dish, but it was the first time in a while since somebody made me breakfast. More than 3 years, I think. I know I am old enough to make breakfast myself, it's not that.

It's just the fact that my parents don't make any effort to show me some kind of moral support or love ever. They never bother with the smallest things that would probably make me happy or feel wanted. Right now I feel like a stranger in their house, Like the one annoying person you used to know when you were younger and offered him to stay at your house because he had had some troubles and now he won't leave and you just can!t kick him out. That's who I am. I am a stray. Just a stray who they felt sorry about. Sometimes I even found an envelope with money for pizza instead of my parents at home. No explanation or apology. Nothing. Just their fucking dirty money.

Before I knew it I couldn't see anything, Ny breathing became uneven and I heard only whistling. Unpleasantly high-pitched. My head started to hurt and I was so sad all of a sudden. Everything felt so heave for no reason. My whole body became too heavy and I just wanted to close my eyes and fall into endless darkness. I just wanted to give up and do everybody a favour and die. How can I be so weak? How is it possible that I was so happy just a second ago and now my body is trembling in this painful unbearable agony? Why am I such a mess?

Familiar voice shined through all the darkness. I recognized Andy immediately. He led me out and I took a deep breath when I realized what had happened. My eyes were full of tears and I wasn't able t stop them. I was shaking and I felt so so stupid. I looked at Andy, he seemed so worried. It was my fault. It was all my fault. Everything was. I am the worst. Worthless, stupid, ugly, unloved piece of shit full of depression who will forever be just a loser. I hate myself. I hate myself!

Andy pulled me to his embrace and I hugged him without hesitation. I started sobbing ad I wanted to disappear. I was so ashamed. I felt so little and useless in this big and cruel world. When Andy heard my sobbing he started to hum something slowly. He was rocking me back and forth a little, just like you would do with a baby. He whispered to my ear: "It's good baby. It's all good. No one is going to hurt you. I will protect you. Daddy's here."

His deep raspy voice sent shivers down my spine. It was pleasant again. I concentrated only on his touch and smell. I closed my eyes and let out a big loud sob. When I am covered in his arms, I don't have to be scared or ashamed. I can be myself. He is here to protect me from falling apart. He holds every little piece of my soul and guards it like a treasure. I am so lucky to call him mine. I am so lucky to be his. I truly love him.

I hummed quietly and nodded, eyes still full of tears, heart still full of pain, my soul still full of wounds and body still covered in scars that will never fully heal and recover. But I knew I was sage. And that made me smile again. Even after another panic attack, I was able to smile, that is just his magic.

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Eeeey, I kept my promise, bet you didn't count on that, eh? :p 

Me? Depressed while writing this chapter? Pfff. Maybe. Okay. Shut up. xd 

Sooo... to my coming out... uh... I guess I might be a Little. But not like with everything, you know? It's weird. I don't feel comfortable with everything, but basically I pout a lot, I like napping after lunch, I am really needy, I have mood swings and I do a lot more weird stuff and I seriously feel like a little child sometimes. Plus, I have an older boyfriend. I sometimes accidentally call him daddy and then feel really ashamed. Hehe. Is there anyone with a similar issue? If so, you can always dm me :D 

-Katie out ^^