herry putter and the slightly sexual existential crisis

durdley x piers

Dudley giggled wildy as Piers coughed on the bigass joint full of muggle weedⒸ. It was Pier's first time smoking, he was usually more of a "inject the droog straight into my bloodstream, please" type of guy. Piers glared at Dudley. "Shut up, Big D."

Dudley giggled again and pulled out another baggie from under his bed. "That was oregano, you little shit," Dudley teased, blinking flirtatiously. There weren't many things that Herry Putter and Diddilous Durslay agreed on, but one of them was wizard weed. There were many nights that they got so stoned out of their minds that they couldn't even remember interacting with one another. And that was the way that they liked it.

"Then give me the good shit, Big D," Piers whined, looking particularly like a rat.

"Only if you show me your big D," Dudley winked. Piers giggled like a schoolgirl. Suddenly, Dobby apparated into Pier's room and took the bag of wizard weed. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doin'?"

"Harry Potter has asked Dobby to show him a good time, Master Dudley!" Dobby squealed. "Dobby has come to fetch the wizard weed for Harry Potter, sir!"

"Can't argue with that," Piers shrugged. "Love is love, mate."

"Do you think you could at least steal my juul back from my parents?" Dudley asked. "I told them it was Harry's, but I want to vape up Pier's butt."

"Of course, Master Dudley! Anything for Harry POtter's cousin!" Dobby bowed so that his ears brushed the stained carpet and apparated away.

"I'm legally changing my name," Piers sighed, closing his eyes. "I want to have a teacher have to call me Penis Polkiss." Dudley looked at him, love in his eyes.

"That's hot," Will Smith said from Dudley's body. He put his thingie in his you know what and then they went to the skate park and did some sick flips until piers got snapped by thanos and then dudley cried.

The ENd

Damn dudley's gettin a little Durstey ;)))))

--moony, astrid, padfoot, prongs--