Y'all we haven't been on here since NoVemBeR. sInCe ThE aNnIvErSaRy (for sOmE oF uS). So I decided to write a sick nasty piece about the burning fiery passion that Hermy feels for Astrid (including the epic lyrics to a emo bop)
"Astrid..." Hermy whined, laying on the couch. "I'm abysmally, dreadfully, awfully, bored." Astrid glanced over at her whife. She was currently editing the music video to her hit single, The Best of Old Town.
"Sorry," Astrid sighed, uwuing at her whife. "I really have to edit this video so that it can get on trending. How about you practice the organ again? You luurve the organ."
"That's true," Hermy said. "And, I know it's not your birthday, or my birthday, or our anniversary, but like just now, while you were editing shrek's face over Herry Putter's, i wrote you an emo bop."
"Ermagerhd i fuckin luuurve u bebe," astrid salivated. "I'm so ready to hear your organ emo song about our hot firey passion.
Hermy rushed over to the organ, her diamond tiddes gleaming with excitement as she hurried over. "Okay.... Here I go.."
"Yesss, bitch," astrid moaned, uwuing as she watched Hermy put her fingers (and her tiddies) on the organ.
"When I was," Hermy began, singing like Marilyn Monroe did when she sung JFK happy birthday. Her fingers groped the keys as she played.
"*A human
My friends were boring and normal
Killing daddy volds
You said "Hermy your tiddies
Are extra mega sexy
Are you a Goffic gurl?"
You said "Will you come kiss me
And become a really sexy vampie
With diamonds in ur tits
Because I think I love you
Your epic fortnite dances
Your plan ol Mary janes
When I was a human
My friends were micro peepeed loosers
Denying 🅱️apa's way
You said "Hermy your tiddies
Are extra mega sexy
Are you a goffic gurl?"
Sometimes I get the feeling
That ur a sexy vamp
And that ur tiddies are the greatest yet
And through it all, the Putter's fall
Thanos wizard fights
And when ur gone, I want you all to know
Ur tiddies gleam, ur tiddies gleam
And though u are undead, believe me
Ur tiddies are so hot
Ur tiddies gleam
And in my heart, I can't contain it
Ur tiddies can't retain it"
"Omgeeee I lurve it," astrid cried, before she stopped editing and made her tiddies gleam. Hermy salivated and the screen cut to black.
*to the tune of the black parade
-moony, astrid, padfoot, prongs-
YOU ARE READING
herry putter and the slightly sexual existential crisis
Fanfictionwhat's up gaymers, is ya boy, uhh, skinny penis. where vsco girls and stans go to die. not because we killed them or anything, but just because they cringed so hard that tanos came aan had to snap them out of existence. "This is even worse than the...
