It was a very dark and dismal day in Herry Putter Wrld, (yes, it is called Herry Putter Wrld even though Herry Putter does not exist yet this nonexistant fetus still dabs on everyone), and Nicolas Flammel, or Nicky as the witches and wizards who've seen his wand call him, we feeling down in the dumps as he watched Adventure Time Musk Edition ™ on his Dell laptop, (he's a boomer.) As his slow ass laptop was loading to the next episode, he normal mental thoughts of undressing Princess Bubblegum were interrupted by the sound of a crash through the windows of his Tesla Cyber Truck, which he lived in, ™.
"Bapa! I thought you said those windows were bullet proof!" He shouted.
"But I'm not a bullet am I?" Came a smooth, but simultaneously gravelly voice from behind the backseat of his Tesla Cyber Truck ™ .
"Who's there?" All Nicky had to gaurd himself with was his Dell laptop and a chocolate frog's card of Helga Hufflepuff, but he didn't want to throw that away for... um... personal reasons.
"It's just me, Phillipa Stoney."
"You mean Phillipa Soo who played the original Eliza in Hamilton on Broadway ™?"
"No, Phillipa Stoney. I've come to have a good time and to get you stoned."
Nicky perked up at that, and looked behind his backseat to see a gleaming stone the color of Astrid Arabella Athena Delphine Voldemort's eyes, (low key tho, is that how Assy got her eyes??) The stone winked at him with pure suduction and stonniness.
"Oh my my my I didn't realize I was gunna get lucky tonight."
"Come on Nicky," said Phillipa as it took Nicky's hand with whatever hand a stone has and dragged him to the back seat of the Tesla Cyber Truck ™ ,
"Come take a roll with me." And with that, Phillipa Stoney passionately kissed Nicky, whose wand was growing by the second.
Just before Nicky was going to change his Dell laptop, to set the mood, from Adeventure Time Musk Edition ™ to Bapa Belon Laughing for Five Hours Straight Over a Dead Deer ™ , he felt a glowing sensation coarse through his veins, and it wasn't the kind he was used to.
"Is this what I'm really supposed to feel like when I get stoned?" Nicky as Phillipa as she began sliding over his foot, (he only has one cause he lost the other when he was running to get a Popeye's Chicken Sandwich ™ .)
"Only when I do the stoning BaBy." Phillipa kissed his pinky toe and smirked sexily.
"I feel myself getting stronger. I feel as if, I could never die!"
"Until an eleven year old boy decides to take matters into his own hands and rip yourself away from your immortality in order to be the BiG hErO and save the day without considering the lasting effects it has on not only Slytherin house, but the world we live in."
Nicky didn't hear a word that Phillipa said, as he was too occupied by the mesmerizing beauty of the stone in front of him, and also his Tesla Cyber Truck ™.
"Did you say something, Phillipa?"
"No boomer, I didn't." said Phillipa Stoney as she hit the button on the Dell laptop, (which I just realized does not have a ™, but I don't think it deserves a ™.), to make Bapa's laughter play throughout his creation.
As Nicky began moaning from the stone's constant movement over his rusted elbow joints, Phillipa looked at one of thirteen cameras in the Tesla Cyber Truck ™, and said,
"He'll figure it out eventually."
*play Seinfeld music here*
Love aLwAyS,
Prongs
Lmao so like that was the greatest thing i've ever read,
im crying this is art, prongs i'd die for you let's do it in the back Assy
No The time is nye
FRED X GEORGE: MAGICAL, BROTHERLY ™ LOVE accept it...
It was their last year at Hogwarts, good God, finally! Fred and George were finally ready to move on with their lives, they already got their new business set up in Diagon Alley, and even with that Umbridge whore trashing and twisting the place, life seemed to be tranquil, at ease. But unfortunately, for Fred and George, a slow, easy life was hopelessly uncomfortable. They needed to spice up life, and they were both getting a little restless...
hey! i'm going to actually murder you paddie. like right now. i am going to stab you.
How about instead of threatening me you help us write :)))))))) <3
Im so proud of us guys 23 thousand words, 99pages that's sicko mode bruh
Ok im gonna come back at like midnight see u then
Same here girlie
-moony, astrid, padfoot, prongs-
YOU ARE READING
herry putter and the slightly sexual existential crisis
Fanfictionwhat's up gaymers, is ya boy, uhh, skinny penis. where vsco girls and stans go to die. not because we killed them or anything, but just because they cringed so hard that tanos came aan had to snap them out of existence. "This is even worse than the...
