My Arranged Marriage

Lose it All

Maybe I really did give up without a fight.  Shouldn’t you try hard for your love? Your love?  I really do love him.  My arrogant ass of a husband, his high handed ways, his good heart, his generosity, I love everything about him.  Can you fall in love so quickly, with someone you do not really know well?

I shake my head.  It might not be love, but how can I give up before giving it my best?  I call the only person I know.

“Sherry” I whisper over the phone. 

“Dimple! Where the hell are you? OMG are you okay?” she fires frantically. 

“I just needed time off” I said.  I guess I could talk to her now that the contract is over.   But not wanting to go in full detail, I know I have to ask her.  Unlike me, she had loving parents who always doted on each other and on her.

“I am sorry I had you worried” I apologize.  I can hear her intake of breath.  I smile.

“Are you okay?”

“Am not sure.  I think I love my husband.” I say tentatively.

“I knew something was off, I figured you would tell me when you felt ready.  What happened?” she asked, always perceptive.

“I cannot tell you the full detail.  But I am not sure if its love”

“Why re you not sure?” she asks.  I thought she would ask me how I feel…why am I not sure?

“I don’t know. It does not make me feel any different.  I still feel I am myself.  Isn’t love supposed to change everything?” I ask.

She sighs over the phone and her voice is deceptively a tone and pace lower.  “Dimple, love is not a cyclone that will come and change your whole life, marriage might, but not love.  Love does not change you or your life.  It just makes you realise that life is beautiful and makes you want to live for that one person, be everything to that one person, because that one person means the world to you.”

I ponder over it.  It is very difficult to live without him, these four months have taught me that.  But still… “But he’s arrogant although he is kind with others and condescending, and granted that he has a generous and kind heart, he can be unbelievably high handed.  How can I love someone like that…it’s not even my type?”

I hear her chuckle on the phone.  “Oh Dimple, you have it bad.  You are head over heels.” She said and I think about that.  “There is no test or advice that would say whether you love him or not, it’s there, the deep feeling inside, that it’s him.  Well at least that’s what my mother tells me.” She says and I process all that information. Its been staring at me in the face this whole time.  I really do love him.  Deep down I know he’s the one.  Even though he has his faults, he is a good man, and I realise that along the way, I fell for him.  I wipe the tears flooding my cheeks.

“Still there?”

“Yeah…Sherry, can I stay over at yours?”  I need to sort this out, fight for my love, even though he signed, I have to make him realise that we can work on it, one last try.

I finally get Angela to drive me at the airport.  It’s high time I fight for my love.  And damn it, i did not sign the papers yet! I am still his wife!

For the first time in months I see a ray of hope and I smile at the thought.  It’s pathetic, to go to a man who already signed the divorce paper, but I do not care.  I love him and I need to give this a second chance, that’s what my father would have advised me.  I smile at the prospect of seeing my husband again.

“What are you smiling about?” Angela pouts as she drives.  I chuckle at her.  She had to cancel her party to drive me. 

“My life” I say and I sense my phone vibrating.   I check and it’s Nick. 

“Hi.” I greet him cheerfully. 

“Hi” his voice sound different.  Well I HAVE been ignoring his calls for the last few months.

“I am sorry I was not taking your calls” I said. 

“Demetria” he said and I have a sinking feeling at the morbid tone of his voice.

“What?”

“You need to come, quick.  It’s Damian” he says and I feel all the happiness drain out of me.

A/N Short update but three in a row...thats a first i think. XD  Please read and vote.