More Than Love-A Hardzello AU

3 - P.S. I Love You

Warning-Homophobic slurs, and self-harming

Joe's pov

After that lunch fiasco, I went to my next class and last class which is French class. It's another class I have with Ben. I still don't know why he was so nice to me at lunch, but I guess I'm just overreacting. 

It's been four hours since I put in a tampon, so you know what that means! Before going to French I obviously had to get the tampons from my pencil case to change it. I went to my locker and got my pencil case. Right next to my locker, straight down the hall from it, was a bathroom, and that was really convenient. I walked to the bathroom with my pencil case to hide the tampons. When I was about to enter the bathroom, I opened the case and that's when five people from the football team approached me. 

"Hey, faggot! Why are you going to the bathroom with your pencil case?" I tried to pretend they weren't there and I continued walking to the bathroom. "Hey, faggot! I'm talking to you!" That's when he pushed me on the floor and since the case was completely open, all of the tampons fell out. 

I picked them up as fast as possible in an effort to not let anyone see them, but it was too late. Everyone in that hallway (there were a lot of people in that hallway) started laughing at me. I then felt the hot tears stream down my face. I really didn't want to cry in front of everyone, but this was humiliating. Why did God have to make me this way? Why did he have to make me such a freak!? 

I got up after I picked all of the tampons up and ran into the bathroom. I went into one of the stalls and I let the tears come out and onto my face. I took a tampon out of the case and . . . you know what I did. I rolled the one I used in toilet paper and threw it in the trash the bathroom provided. I walked out of the stall with my case and went to the sinks to wash my hands. I washed said hands and I was still crying. I set the case on the basin of the sink and opened it again to get a razor. The last time I did this, I told myself that I wouldn't do it again but I obviously can't keep that promise. I took the razor out of the case and I took it to my wrist. 

I cut my arm and I immediately felt the stinging. I cut myself until I could cut anymore because of the pain. There was blood all over the sink by the time I was done. I got a napkin to clean it up. Then, I was interrupted by Gwil coming into the bathroom. 

"Oh my god, Joe! Why did you do this?" He asked me in worry. He got a shit ton of napkins and he took my wrist and cleaned it up for me. I took my wrist away once he was done. "Please stop doing this, Joe." He told me and I simply nodded before leaving the bathroom. I knew I couldn't keep that promise either but I'll try. 

I took my pencil case and left the bathroom. I was five minutes late for my next class so I had to move my ass. I walked into class and I saw that everyone else was already there. The teacher got angry at me for being late, but I couldn't care less at this point. 

I took a good look at the class and saw that there was only one more seat left, and that seat was right next to Ben. My heart started to beat like a drum. I had to suck it up and sit next to him. I sat next to him and right away, we made eye contact. We quickly looked away . . . That moment was awkward. 

The teacher, Ms. Ross, then started talking. "Alright class, we'll be doing a standard review today." Everyone groaned, including me. A standard review is just a test but she calls it a standard review. She passed the papers to all of us and we all went to work. 

" . . . And remember, if you get done early, you can talk with your friends," the teacher told us.

In the middle of doing my work, I felt spit balls hitting the back of my head. I turned around to see who it was. It was Jason, Ben's wide receiver. He still had the straw in his mouth and he was waving at me once I turned around. He didn't even try to hide the fact that he was blowing spit balls at me. 

I turned back around so I can focus on my paper. Then a balled up piece of wide ruled paper hit my desk directly. I turned around again to see if it was Jason, but he was acting like he was doing his work, but I already knew he did it. I turned back around to see the paper. I unballed it and saw what it said, '

Do everyone a favor and KILL YOURSELF!' 

I balled the paper back up and walked to the trash to threw it away. I got back to my paper and, no matter what happened, I tried my best to finish it. 

I finished the standard review and turned it in. Almost everyone else was already done and they were talking to each other. I really didn't have any friends in this class so I just got out my notebook and started to doodle on one of the pages. 

Then, Jason walked up to me and started to talk. 

"Hey, you know I was the one that gave you that note, right?" 

of course he fucking did! I knew it! 

"Why do you keep on doing this?" I asked him then the teacher said to the class, "Guys, one moment, I have to go and find out what's happening with the computer, it's not working." And she left the room. It was at this time that jason finally answered me. "I just wanted you to know that you're worthless and you deserve to die, faggot," he said a little loud to me and since Ben was right next to me and him, he could hear everything that he was saying. He got up and walked over to him. 

"Hey, don't say that to him!" He said to Jason. What? If anything, Ben would join whoever is making fun of me, not stop them. This is really weird. 

"Ben, why are you helping this fag? What are you his boyfriend now?" Jason replied. This was when ben punched him SO hard that it made one of those punching noises they use in cartoons.(Do you know what I'm talking about?) Jason then fell on the floor and there was blood coming out of his nose. He was knocked completely out. Everyone turned their attention to Jason and Ben and they all gasped, their jaws went slack. Then the teacher came back into the room. 

"No! Jason, get up! You're getting blood all over the floor!" She yelled at Jason. I had to hold in my laughter once I heard that.

AT THE END OF THE DAY

I got to my locker and got my backpack out. I put all of my books in it and put it on. I saw Rami, Gwil, and Lucy and I was about to walk up to them when I heard my name from behind me. I turned around and saw Ben. "H-Hey, Joe. I was wondering, since we have that history assignment to do, I thought maybe I can come over to your house or you could come over to mine and we can work on it together." 

No! No! No! No!

"Y-Yeah, sure," I said to him, nervously. 

He smiled. "Cool, do you want to go to mine or should I go to yours?" 

"You can come to mine." 

"Alright, I'll come to your house after school. Can you tell me your address?" He asked me.

"Yeah, it's (I can't think of an address so you can make one yourself)" 

"Alright cool, I'll see you then." He told me and walked away. Oh my god! I'm going to have Ben fucking Hardy at my house! This is probably going to go really bad but I at least get to spend time with him!

I went to the parking lot, found my car quickly, and got in. I drove to my house and parked in the driveway. I got out of the car and walked into my house. Thankfully, it's Friday and normally my mom and dad work on Fridays, and my siblings are obviously at their friends houses so I have the whole house to myself. 

As soon as I went in my house, I started to clean in a panicked state. I wanted it took look as good as possible to impress Ben. I made sure everything looked as neat as it can get. Then, I heard . . . 

Knock, knock, knock.

Oh, God! He's here!