The next day Jaime is up an hour after I am. He comes into the kitchen with me and sits down, not saying anything. I know Im in trouble somehow.
"Row, I got a question for you." he says.
"Yeah? What is it?" I ask, my voice giving away how nervous I am.
"Are you sleeping with Mike?"
Oh man there it is.
I know a clear answer will upset him, but also if I lie, hes gonna find out eventually and be even more pissed.
"Kinda." I say.
"Kinda?" he questions. "What does that mean?"
"It means I am."
"You know what he's like, right?" Jaime says. "He wont care about you."
"Yeah, Jaime." I say. "I know."
Despite last night, I get what Mike is like. He said he had feelings for me, but I know its not true. Its just not in character with Mike. Hes probably still fucking groupies every night.
"I don't know why you would put yourself in a position to get hurt." Jaime says to me.
I shrug. "Not all sex has to have feelings."
I can tell he's disappointed in me. Any brother would be if they found out that theyre sibling was sleeping with their friend. Which is completely fair. Even Im disappointed in me some nights.
"I don't think its a good idea." Jaime says to me. "But if its what you wanna do, then go for it. Just dont get attached to Mike."
"Trust me, I know." I say to him.
We sit in the kitchen and joke around about the tour and life, completely forgetting about Mike. Its nice to be like this with my brother. Jaime's always joking around, it was nice to just be serious for a bit.
Later that day as we're crossing into another state, Mike comes into the kitchen. Jaime's long gone to the back by now to work on some stuff with Vic, so its just Mike and I in here.
I feel nervous. I wonder if he even remembers last night at all. I wonder if he regrets what he says to me. I wonder if he tells women this all the time to get them in bed.
"Morning." Mike says to me as he slides into the booth.
"You sleep good?" I ask.
"Not bad." he says. "You?"
"I slept pretty good."
Theres an awkward silence between us.
"Hey, about last night." he says, finally addressing it. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" I ask, confused.
"Yeah, I shouldn't have said that last night."
"Oh. Okay."
I'm even more confused now. I know Mike doesnt like me and never will but it was kind of ...nice? I liked the idea of us. Stupid, I know. So fucking stupid.
"I was just drunk and we had sex and I was kind of just caught up in the moment." he says.
I don't say anything. I dont have anything to say. Yeah, Mike, I'm sorry I was fucking stupid.
"Are we all good?" he asks.
I don't even look at him. I can't.
"Yeah, we're good." I mumble.
He says something about how cool I am then gets up and heads to the back where Jaime and Vic are.
I sit at the table and think about how fucking stupid I am. I think of the conversation I had with Jaime this morning. He was right. I didn't think I'd care, but it hurts more than I thought it would. Did I accidentally develop feelings for Mike?
Whatever it was, its done now.
