Everyone can tell Ive been in a mood for the past two days. I havent been going to soundcheck with the guys, and I havent been staying for their entire show or their after party.
Jaime was the first to ask if I was okay. I told him that the tour was just tiring me out and he seemed to get it. I feel bad for lying, but if I tell him the real reason he'd be pissed at Mike for being a dick to me and I dont want them to end up fighting over me. So I stay quiet and keep to myself, trying to work through my feelings. Its hard, though. Ive considered leaving the tour. But its almost done and I swore I'd stick it out.
Plus in a couple hours we're having a big get together with a bunch of bands so that'll be cool. Maybe with the extra people I'll be distracted. Hopefully at least.
No matter what I try Im still upset. I knew Mike didn't love me but I cant believe he'd tell me he did then turn around and fuck two people the next day. It hurts. I thought we were starting to have something.
I see him and the guys cross the parking lot coming towards the bus. The anger in me boils up and I cant help but walk off the bus to meet him. As soon as Jaime sees me he knows somethings wrong.
"Row, you okay?" he says, trying to step in front of me.
I ignore him and walk up to Mike. "I need to talk to you."
Mike looks around at the guys, unsure of what to do.
"Hey, guys, can you give us a sec?" he says finally.
He watches as they walk onto the bus, I keep my eyes on him.
"Whats up, Row?"
"Remember the day you said you loved me?" I ask angrily. "I know you didn't mean it, but why did you say it? And then why did you go ahead and fuck two other people the next day?"
"Woah, I wasn't fucking anyone but you when I told you that. I hadn't been fucking anyone else at all since we started this." he says. He looks genuine but I know better.
"Stop lying to me!" I yell. "I know you fucked other people literally the day after you told me that."
"I swear to you that I didnt. Its just been you."
"Mike! Stop it! Dan told me that you fucked other people."
He scoffs. "Dan told you that? He's obviously just saying that so that you don't want me."
"Well it worked." I say firmly. "I dont want you. I dont want someone who plays with my feelings then fucks other people."
"You're one to talk. You cuddle with me and even fall asleep with me then go off and fuck Dan when Im at signings. How long were you playing me for?"
He's got me there. Im no better. But then again he's the one who always said that we werent together in the first place so I didnt really do anything wrong.
"You made it clear that this was just fucking, nothing else." I say, trying to defend myself.
"Row, come on. You know thats not true."
"You said it yourself! You described us as friends who hook up. You said it was cool how "chill" I was about it all." I yell.
I know the guys are probably listening to every word we're saying, but I dont care. Its not like they dont know whats going on with us. We all live on the same bus for fucks sake. Its hard to keep something private when you live that closely with people.
Mike's face softens and I can tell he's about to say something nice to me to get me back. He's gonna give me another pretty lie and he expects me to fall for it. But I wont. Not this time.
"Just stay away from me, okay? Im done being played by you and Im done caring about you." I say. Before he can say anything I turn and walk back onto the bus, not even bothering to look back at him.
We're finally done with each other and after these four weeks are up I'll never have to see him again.
