Daya

54| Break

From the second I woke up to Vince hyping himself up I knew today is signing today. Not only will Vince be making a huge life decision, but the signing takes place in the school gym where my parents will obviously be attending. Yay. To other kids at school who don't spend nights watching ESPN while their dad yells this is just another 30 minute lunch period, but for me this is the day the weight of worrying about Vince's future gets taken off my shoulders. Sure they have to worry about him doing keg stands in college now, but for the meantime they can bask in the glory of getting a kid into college. Specifically my mother whos lungs are in desperate need of taking a deep breathe. Along with signing day I'm also giving Ziyah his cinnamon buns which the idea of starts to seem more stupid as the day progresses.

As I step out of my second period chemistry class my eyes spot Ziyah, and though he doesn't have that devious smirk he sends butterflies all through my body. I multi task and get the box out looking at it now it's pretty cute.

"Hey," Ziyah says and we stop as usual in front of my locker. He gives me an emotionless kiss, but his touch makes up for his lack of passion.

"How are you feeling?" I ask and our hands intertwine. My touch doesn't have the same calming effect it did at the grove, and the stress in Ziyah's hazel eyes remains. I'm such a bad girlfriend, well not completely because I watch Ziyah and he seems to be the same way around Lucas and his big group of friends. I doze off a bit trying to find his inner feelings, but I come back to earth when he raises his eyebrows.

"Oh umm sorry, I got you something it's stupid, but here," I flush up and hand him the box. As he holds it the slightest inch of some unknown feeling comes over him, and I take it as a bit of happiness.

"Thanks, you didn't have to do that." No I did.

"No problem," I say in a low tone. Ziyah unties the ribbon and opens the box. At the sight of the cinnamon buns he smirks meaning I achieved my goal. He picks up the, "I'm here for you," card and I look down at my feet. Similar to the seconds before our first kiss he picks up my chin with his finger. With his other hand he holds and puts the top back on the box.

"Daya I'm sorry," he says back in his somber tone.

"For what?" Ziyah takes his turn at looking at the ground before lifting his head up.

"Daya I think we should take a break for a bit." What. The. Fuck. Because of the cinnamon buns? I wait to be pinched and to come back to a reality where he didn't just say that, but that doesn't happen. My mind processes his words and it begins to move at a quicker pace which my heart follows.

"What did I do? Did Vince talk to you again?" Seriously was it the cinnamon buns, are you on a diet.

"No, Daya you did nothing, I just," he pauses and strokes his dreads. "Just need some time." I repeat the words in my head, and none of it makes sense. Breaks and periods of needed time are simple ways of not wanting to be with someone anymore. I knew this whole Daya having a boyfriend thing wouldn't last, but I at least want a solid reason for it not lasting. I want to mumble, "Oh ok," but anger replaces the butterflies that came when I first saw him.

"Can't you just tell me whats wrong, what's so hard about that?" Ziyah lightly shakes his head making my anger add up some more.

"Daya I'm not breaking up with you,."

"Yes you are no one takes a break and goes back to everything being perfect. Look at Ross and Rachel and what that break did to them," all of my thoughts spill out. Not all because I don't ask him is this because he wants to sleep with a girl and then come back to me?

"Daya I'm sorry." He takes a step closer, but I take a step back.

"No don't be, I get it have fun with your time." My tone is harsher then I attended and walk off, before tears come in my eyelids. The exact thought that came across my mind when I saw Ziyah kiss Navia's ex sticks in my brain. I wish I never got invested with him. Unlike the time of Ziyah's unfortunate kiss I let the tears spill down my face and stain my cheeks. This time I don't run into the bathroom or run into anyone who I don't want to see them.

I make it through two whole periods not shedding a tear, but rather learning from Ziyah and being emotionless. When lunch starts I don't bother going anywhere near my locker or near where I know Ziyah hangs out, and I head into the gym where my parents are sitting front and center on the benches. I don't notice the commotion or signing tables and walk right towards the benches. For Vince I plaster a smile on my face as he sits at his table that's decorated all things related to the California Golden Bears. The whole thing goes by pretty fast, and as my parents take several pictures of Vince it hits me that he's leaving. At least he's staying in the same state and not going all the way to Indiana like that player whos always around hyping Vince up.

When I leave the gym and say goodbye to my parents who are oddly taking Vince on a celebratory lunch at Panera Bread my mindset goes back to the way it was when I was storming away from Ziyah. More tears come down my face, and although they are compromising my vision I know Harper and Navia are hand in hand approaching me. I waste no time and wipe my tears as Harper's face lights up.

"Daya we were going to go see Vince's signing thing, but Navia had to study for her english test," Harper says.

"It's fine." Either I'm good at acting or Harper doesn't have the superpower to see my real sadness as she goes on about her studying flashcard method.

"Anyway using colored post its really helped me, ooh Daya what are you and Ziyah doing for

Valentines day?" Her eyes are all hopeful reminding me of Sofia's. Right of course Ziyah decides to take a break before what was going to be my first valentines day where I don't dread the pink and sugar crazy holiday.

"Umm I don't know yet," I say and look down at Navia's checkered vans.

"Well we're going to the grove, it was your little date with Ziyah that inspired it so thank you." Harper gives me a side hug and her and Navia skip off. I trudge along removing my fake smile. Because of signing day lunch was made longer giving me more time to wallow. As I walk I see more couples and I stare a bit, it isn't until I see a a couple making out that it hits me. I'm where Vince said I was going to be, alone and looking at other people's lives. Not to mention aunt flow has also just arrived.

After walking a different route to avoid Ziyah I walk into the elementary bungalow where the kids all shout my name. I keep my mind busy by reading and doing arts and crafts with them, and their little smiles give me an ounce of cheer. The one smile I don't see is Sascha P's, she has the same pout Sofia had before she cried in my lap, and it takes away that ounce of cheer I was holding onto. When I put all of the reading circle stories back in the cabinet the kids engage in free time, and seeing Sascha just by herself I go over to her spot on the carpet.

"What's up Sascha?" She doesn't begin to spill nay tears like Sofia or me, and instead lets out an uncovered sneeze which I back up from.

"Nothing," she says after giving her nose too nice of a rub.

"You sure Sacha you seem sad." This sounds like a conversation I would be having with Ziyah if he didn't declare our, "break."

"Ok well I told David I like him, but he doesn't like me," she sighs. I look back over at David, and he's playing with his rubber insects, what a lady magnet. My eyes go back to Sascha and her pout remains while her head is resting in her palm. '

"Sascha you don't need to worry about David right now." Her cheeks don't let the sadness deflate from them. Shit if I can't make Sascha happy, how the hell was I going to uplift Ziyah.

"Sascha remember what you told me, why are our last names Price?" She lifts her head and the happiness that goes with her light up sneakers lights up her face.

"Because we're worth something," she says and pushes her glasses up on her nose.

"But what does that have to do with David liking me?" Oh that cute question was all I had.

"Well Sascha see," I search my brain for some cheesy self love quote.

"You're worth more than gold." Yup that's as cheesy as it gets. "And you'll always be this amazing girl and what David thinks of you doesn't change that."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure." She shrugs and gives me a hug before running off to play insects with David. I could use Sascha's lesson as some example for myself, but my brain isn't in that place to process reasonable connections. If it were I could easily believe Ziyah wanting a break has nothing to do with myself, and the person I am, but that would be too easy having that realization. It would be too easy not to associate all the things wrong with me with all the words Ziyah says. It would be too easy.