I'm watching you...

An Unadressed letter

To whomever it may concern,

I have noticed in recent days my emotions choose to hide themselves way from me. Despite my greatest attempts to understand the rest of the world's opinion of who I am or who I am supposed to be, I find it difficult to grasp the feeling of which the people around me experience.

Is it merely boredom?

Have I overdramatized the empty feeling I experience with plain boredom?

How am I to express how I feel when I fail to comprehend what it is that I am feeling in the first place. I want to experience joy, I want to be happy. But even the small things that brought me joy have become numbing to me.

My passion for art has begun to wither away.

What I thought was undying love for the ones I put before myself, slowly means nothing to me.

My heart weighs me down, and when I try to explain to the people I thought I could trust they become frustrated with me. They ask me questions that I feel unqualified to answer. Because I do not understand what they are asking.

"Are you telling me you felt nothing when we were together?"

"Was the time we spent together nothing to you?"

I refuse to talk about this emptiness anymore. I have no right to. Because every time I talk about it I feel wrong for feeling this way.

Am I wrong for not remembering what happiness feels like when I need it most?

Am I at fault because I have nothing to say?

Should I go back to faking it all? I have everything I could ever need and more, I am spoiled beyond what I deserve. So why do I feel like I need more?

I am selfish.

I have forgotten what it feels like to desire.

Therefore, at times I most need it, I have forgotten the feeling of what it's like to want.

Wanting is a need. Needing is common sense.

Is wanting something so bad?

With love & good tidings I leave my thoughts on your hands, your dearest host,

Ducky.