Blood of a Villain || MHA Fic! ||

22: Find Out

I anxiously tapped my fingernails against the desk. My mind was screaming at me to run far away, take off my cuffs and never come back. To go where no one would find me so I could get it over with and disappear for good. My stress levels were shooting through the roof and I didn't know how to calm myself back down.

"How long have you been having suicidal thoughts?" Nezu's gentle voice broke me from my thoughts. This was the third (or was it the fourth?) time he'd asked me this question. I couldn't keep track of what was happening. I was so lost inside my thoughts. Everything had gone to shit.

Shinso had waited for the hallways to clear and most of the students to exit the building before he brought me down to Nezu's office to explain everything that happened. Soon after, the rodent thanked him and said that the UA staff would take everything from there.

"Izumi, this is important. How long have you been having suicidal thoughts?" he repeated with a bit more force.

"I was just on the roof... I-um... I got close to the ledge a-and. And, um, everything just happened kinda fast."

"So this is the first time?"

"Yeah," I shifted in my seat uncomfortably.

He began scribbling things into his notebook and I fought the urge to cover my ears and run away. My head began hurting on the way down to his office and had grown into a throb the longer I spent in this situation. My hands went to my stomach as a sudden pang rang through it. I was going to be sick.

"Your teachers and classmates have noticed that you've been off since your internship. Did something happen?"

"No," the whisper barely escaped my lips. I raised my voice as I continued, "Nothing happened. I'm just getting sick of all this heroing shit. I want to go home - not that any of you fucks will let me."

"Back to your father?"

No. I never want to go back there. My father is one of the only men who can make me quiver. He makes me feel true terror as his orders rack through my mind. I can't say no to him. If I go back to my father then I'll be stuck as his slave for the rest of my life. I don't want to train with him anymore. I can't listen to myself scream for hours as he beats my broken body into the ground with promises of power.

"I was happy where I was. I never asked to be rescued! I want to go back. I'm not a hero, damn it!"

Why can I never tell anyone the truth? Why am I so afraid to admit that I want to be a hero? I don't want to be a villain anymore. I made that clear. I'm too much of a coward to tell everyone. They've made it clear enough that they don't think I have it in me to be a hero.

If I can't be a hero then I have no choice but to become a villain. I can't be a villain. I can't watch more innocent people die because of me. I'll never forget the bloodcurdling scream that the mother cried for the loss of her son - the son that I failed to protect. I don't want to hurt my friends anymore. I'd be better off dead where I protect everyone from myself.

I'm too much of a coward to send myself to prison. I'd lose myself in the memories of my sins. I'd be stuck in a constant flashback of my life when I was home with my mother and the visits from my father. I couldn't even allow myself to be locked up. I'd break and no one would ever be able to put me back together.

"Izumi, I'd like for us to be honest with each other. I'm going to ask you some questions regarding your experiences at UA and I want you to answer truthfully. Is that alright?"

"Fine," I glanced down at my lap.

Nezu cleared his throat and flipped to a new page in his notebook. He scribbled something in the top right-hand corner and glanced up to look me in the eyes. The pen shifted across the paper, hovering just above it, as he let out a soft sigh.