his forgotten mate

CHAPTER 36a

A/N: Not Edited.

 

Chapter 36a – Rainy POV

Nothing that happened in that basement was going to be a secret; everything would come out, eventually, if not from me then from Bailey, Michael or Kayla. The younger babies wouldn’t know, or even understand but the oldest three… they’d remember and know. While I continually never brought up people or things from the outside world, he wanted them to be able to understand things, no not things, feelings; sadness, despair, humiliation, fear, anxiety.

He ruined everything, all things but I’m not sure he was able to manipulate love down there… I didn’t know much, but I couldn’t understand it how he made my sons stronger. He abused them, however after more than a handful of times of putting me in the position to pick, pick between Keith and Cole, Keith and Michael, Bailey and Michael, they started deciding for me. Taking turns – a horrid way to describe the process – and I couldn’t ask why they would even tell me who to pick next, but they knew there would be a next though. I wouldn’t clue him in though, tell him that the way to really break us all would be to treat me kindly, and abuse them. No I would never let him have that satisfaction.

Now we were outside… and the moments were drowning me, I had let the boys make things easier for me, let the older ones take that weight off in the basement. Each time, when one method didn’t work, he would find another, a piece of me dying each time. Logan saved me but I wonder if he ever thought that he’d be saving nothing but an empty shell… I had put all the good times so far away, where he couldn’t touch them, where I wouldn’t miss them, because no one was going to come.

I sat slouched on Chris, my body tired emotionally and physically, but I was missing that numb feeling I had all the other times. Out here the desensitized haze I found in the basement didn’t exist and all the memories were painful pricks. I gave all I could, repeating myself surely but wanting to get it all out there, hiding my face in shame when I continued to name anything and everything that could be considered a trigger to them. I had too, so while I did that I listened to the irregular heartbeat of my mate, reveling in his soft, gentle and loving touches. His arms the courage I needed to continue, and though he shook in anger or sadness, I held onto the knowledge buried deep inside that Chris would never hurt me. I didn’t know this man now, I only knew him as a child before and I didn’t know him as a man, and I was too afraid too, all I had learned for ten years was that men hurt. So I pretended. Put on imaginary glasses where I only saw him as I had before.

I lifted my head tiredly off of his shoulder, gazing at the people in the room, Lucy comforting Grace, Juliet and Shavon, wiping at their faces while glancing up at me, and Logan, hunched over head in his hands his shoulders shaking. He wasn’t in his original spot, letting me know that he was probably the one who tried to touch me first but I reacted horribly, flinging myself away from the hands that seemed to be prying at me.

“Th-thank you for telling us that Rainy,” Shavon finally spoke, a whisper but in the stillness it startled me, “based on… on what you’ve shared…” Juliet continued, “and what we’ve seen, we feel that this home everything you’ve done Logan and Chris to make this a safe, structured and nurturing environment is right on point, now though we think for now there have to be guidelines for other to be mindful and aware of.”

“We’ve already stated that you should respect their choices and comfort with words and decisions but that also needs to be done in terms of physical touch. For now, you need to respect what they feel comfortable in terms of hugging, kissing, play fighting and even something minor in your minds as tickling. However this is where everyone will be on sort of a fence with everything, while they may hate the idea of being tickled or touched or hug, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t offer them, every once in awhile, giving that option helps so they do not become isolated,” Shavon noted, everyone listening, Grace nodding sadly. “Another thing is shifting, something that as werewolves we never think of nudity practices, even something small as being shirtless may make the children nervous. So when shifting, do that away from the children, whether turning to your wolf or going from wolf to human, be mindful that it may be interrupted different to them.”