Richard was happy to see Ray again and so was every member of the Royal family. We were given a Royal welcome. Some how I felt happy to be back here.
But Richard looked so pale and calmer than I ever knew. He spent most of his time in the garden alone. Ray ever being sensitive let him be. He had refused to go for the operation which was 50/50 though. Yet his health was deteriorating.
''Mum, while don't you join Dad in the garden? ''
I jumped as I was startled by Ray's sudden question.
''Ray! You startled the daylight out of me!''
''I'm sorry mum. Is just that Dad is in such a pitiable state and no one seems to be able to help. Not even you mum?''
''Is not as if I cannot help, just that..''
''He's a man and you hate men with all of your heart?''
''Ray! Don't you dare talk to me like that! You have no right to do that. I allowed you to come close to me does not give you the licence of the ideal son! You're still a mistake to me! My misery. Yes! I hate anyone that's male and it quite unfortunate that you're one!
I had no idea what I have said because I wasn't listening to myself as I spoke. All I saw was Ray running to his room but I wasn't done talking.
''Come back here Ray!''
He stopped running and turned slowly. It was then I realized that he was crying. His tears were flowing freely down his cheek but no sound of crying. I felt weak. I have failed again. The worst mother in the whole world. I moved forward to console my son but he took a step back fearfully. That was it. We were back to square one. My son is afraid of me once again. What a monster I have become.
He remained rooted where he was. All of a sudden he spoke ''I know you may never be able to accept me as your son. But the truth is that I have no other mother but you. My birth may have brought you so much shame and disgrace but I know that one day you'll become proud of me. One day you will come to see me as a blessing rather than a curse!'' He paused then added ''I love you mum and I'll never stop loving you. I'm sorry for upsetting you'' with that he walked slowly to his room. My heart broke into countless pieces. Just then Richard rushed past me into Ray's room. While I stood and watched from afar.
''Ray! You're crying, what happened? Richard asked.
''Nothing Dad. Ray ran into Richard's open arms. I love you Dad very much. ''
''And I love you too. ''Richard kissed his cheeks.
''Then why don't you want to stay alive for me? Why don't you want to go for the operation Dad? I don't want you to leave me daddy. You're the only daddy I have ever known and loved! Do you want to leave me to suffer in the hands of mum? She....she hates me so much.
''No! My Ray. Your mum loves you so much. Only that, she has chosen to live in her yesterday rather than today.
I couldn't listen further. I took my phone and dialed my psychologist number. I needed to do meet her as soon as possible.
''Hello! Dr. Edna.''
''Hello! Dr. Amanda how may I help you?
''I need to see you soonest''
''I hope all is well? How is my boy?''
''Is about him! He thinks I hate him. I think we are back to square one!
She asked that I tell her all that happened and I did.
''But I told you to try to avoid such damaging words. That boy is still little although very matured.''
''That's why I called you. I need to talk to someone. I need you to tell me what to do. I'm turning into a monster by the day.''
''I don't think you need me to tell what to do any more. I think is time for you to face your fears. We have been working together on you for years now. I think is time for you to make certain decisions in your life. A time to accept your past, own it and live past it. Enter into the reality of today and have faith that tomorrow's brightness would be greater than today's.
''Are you giving up on me?''
''Never! I would be a failure to give up on my patient and friend.''
''You..you called me your friend? I asked in awe with tears rolling down my cheeks. No one has ever called me a friend for years now. It feels so good to know that someone cares for me. Genuinely and unconditionally.
''Yes I did call you my friend Amanda. I see you as one. Don't worry you don't have to see me that way. Look I'm not around now, but I shall book an appointment for you with my friend Dr. Ade. ''
''How long are you away?''
''A month.''
'' wow! That's pretty long time.''
''Yes. But don't worry, Dr. Ade is very good too.
''Okay thanks so much Dr Edna.
''Call me Edna that would do. ''
''Okay Edna. Do text me the time for my appointment with Dr Ade tomorrow. I just hope she'll be as good as you''
''Ahmmm, she....is good!''
I felt uneasiness in her voice when she ended the call andi wonder why?
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