Healing (Discontinued)

p r o l o g u e

Liliana

I stared longingly at the framed picture on top of my study table.

It was from about 2 years ago, when I thought everything was looking up for the better.

How wrong I was.

I shook my head with a bitter chuckle and went back to my acceptance letter to my dream uni.

I fiddled with the paper that told me, I had to leave my house for classes every day now.

I sighed and put it aside.

I had to start my school social life again next week.

I walked to my bathroom and stared at my self in the mirror.

Pursing my lips, I scanned my body state.

Fat.

Whore.

Depressed.

Ugly.

Slut.

I wasn't the healthiest especially with my eyebags and exhausted state all the time. Not getting enough protein, or food basically.

I stripped off my clothes and let my now greasy hair down.

I stepped into the shower and stayed in the really hot water for about an hour before lathering on soap and hair products.

I wash my face and brush my teeth before putting on a bathrobe and patting my hair with a smaller towel.

I let my hair air dry and I didn't wrap it because I didn't know how to and if I did it would most likely fall off thanks to my now really long hair which ends almost under my butt.

My hair is luckily healthy from genetics but I couldn't say the same about the rest of my body.

I changed into an oversized hoodie which belonged to...someone I really love then I put on shorts.

I sat on my dresser and put on a liquid face mask at certain places, eyebag strips, a lip mask and let it sit while I do stuff on my phone, stalking people.

Ryder hasn't posted anything on his Instagram since I left but Kyle, Samantha, Nat and Landon are all doing great so I'm happy about that.

I still can't help but feel bad about Ryder.

I scrolled through his pictures, most of them were pictures of us.

He couldn't even communicate with me if he wanted to.

I left my phone back at home and bought a new one. New number and new accounts.

Last year, I spent most of my time hiding away and isolating myself from everyone. It was horrible. I was all alone which I brought upon myself.

Earlier this year, I was much more better and I got myself a job to keep me occupied since I had already finished online school.

I looked through my closet and decided to go shopping later.

I need to start fresh.

A new me.

Liliana Ava De Ville. The good girl.

-•-

A/n: first few chapters are a little depressing so if you're not really in a good place mentally, I suggest you don't read this yet but I can't stop you.

Please remember that this book deals with anorexia and bulimia. If you've ever struggled or is struggling with eating disorders, again I suggest you don't read this book because I don't want to trigger anything. There won't be trigger warnings in the book because this is already one for the whole book.

I really hope that you make the right decision because I really don't want to be responsible triggering anything. I'm sorry if this part was triggering or too depressing and all.

Just a tip for those struggling; you control how you think. If you keep thinking positive, I'm sure one day you'll be thinking positive automatically. The world is filled with negativity which is probably why many of us think so negatively.

Control. You have control.❤️

Love you guys❤️❤️❤️