Your POV:
now that i've slept a bit, it's about time to get to work again. knowing these boys, they aren't eating well.
i get out of my old bed, and start to walk upstairs, immediately stopped by jay.
"hey where are you going?" he says looking directly where my wound is.
"to feed you dumbasses" he looks concerned still.
"i think you should lay down still. cam won't be very happy with you up right now. i don't want you up either." i sigh.
"please jay. i can't sit still for a while, plus i'm in a good mood. at least let me go sit outside?" he sighs, and bits his lip, thinking.
"fine. let's go." i smile at him and he smiles back. we reach the top of the stairs, and i step out into the living room. heads snap towards me.
"what are you doing up?" swagger says quickly, looking to jay.
"she's fine, she just wants to sit outside." jay explains, leading me to the backdoor. everyone resumes what they were doing, and i become interested with the outside again. i breathe in the fresh air, and sit down on my deck. my house has a large backyard, that's surrounded by a tall fence. beyond that, is trees. thanks to the fence, you can mostly sit out here pretty peacefully, without worry of zombies invading your space. it's a nice relief.
i feel a presence next to me, and i look over to see jay. he has his gun on the deck next to him, and he appears to be taking in the blue, partly cloudy skies i am too. he looks at me and smiles, and i smile back.
"so jay, tell me a bit more about yourself." i loved hearing about the guys' life. they've told me group stories of their adventures, and they seem to have lead some pretty crazy lives before the virus took over.
"well, i was pretty chill, much like now. i've always been really close with mason, and i love fucking around with him. he's cool to be around. uh," he seems to choke up. "i had a girlfriend. her name was anna. she was the best thing to ever happen to me. she was super goofy and so sweet. i love her. so so much." he starts to tear up.
"aww, i'm sorry. what happened?" i asked, while rubbing his back in the attempt to calm him down.
"i'm not even sure if she's dead. i hope not of course. she wasn't with me when shit went bad, she was in another country visiting some family. she was supposed to get back that day. i just hope i can find her."
"we will jay. i promise." i smile reassuringly at him. he gives a halfhearted one back.
we continue talking for a bit before we decide to head inside, because mama is hungry. i run into the kitchen despite protest and start making dinner. i found some perishables that haven't expired yet, and make something quick out of it. i pass it around, and the boys happily take it. i found my place on the couch in between cameron and mason. we all laugh and talk and eat, just enjoying each other's company.
time skip~
finally came time for bed. toby and i made our way up to my room, and got ready for sleep. i dressed in my normal sleep attire, and climbed into bed. tonight, mason is on guard duty, which doesn't seem like a good idea to me. but i guess, he will take it seriously when he needs to. at least i hope so. we crawl into bed, say our good nights, and blow out the candles next to the bed, engulfing the room in a darkness. it'd almost be comforting, if you couldn't hear the various zombies outside groaning. it started to make me nervous. even hearing them sometimes was too much for me. i sighed and tried to shut it out. toby was already fast asleep and snoring next to me, smiling to herself. that made me feel a bit better, but still not great. after a while, i start to doze off. i sleep for about an hour, when i wake up in a panic. not only is it derived from the current situation beyond the walls of the house, but also from within the walls of my skull. the hurtful thoughts pound against my forehead, aching to be let loose. i try to fight them, but they come anyways.
it's too much. i stand carefully out of bed, and downstairs to grab a glass of water. when i reach the bottom stair, mason flips his head around. he points the gun in my direction, but immediately puts it down when he realizes it's just me.
"y/n you scared me." i force out a laugh and grab some water. "everything okay?" he followed me into the kitchen to talk.
fuck. not what i need right now mason.
"yeah. i'm fine." i say fast heading for the stairs. he grabs my arm gently.
"oi. you know you can talk to me. it's only you and i." i smile sadly at him. he walks us over to the couch where we sit side by side, shoulders and knees touching. he puts his hand on my back.
"god i hate talking about this" i laugh nervously but continue. "i have really bad self esteem issues and i overthink a lot. not to mention all the shit i've been through, with the everything. i just-" i start to cry.
"i try to sleep, and the thoughts get too loud. i can't take it sometimes. i needed a break." i look away and wipe at my face desperately.
mason probably thinks i'm a pussy.
but instead of judging me, he pulls me into his chest and holds me. i just let it all go, and start sobbing. he rubs me back and grips onto me, rocking me back and forth.
"it's okay y/n. i get it." he whispers in my ear. "we understand and know that you aren't only recovering from the gunshot wound. we know you have shit that involves emotions too. but cunt we are here for you. we are here to help. you're not alone anymore." i smile and start to calm down. then i doze off again in his arms, just out of complete exhaustion.
thank god for him.
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ok i'm sorry i suck. i got so busy, and then last night when i was going to update, and actually started writing this chapter, i got sick. so here's a sucky chapter that took way too long to publish. but i have a favor. can y'all tell me where you want me to take this story? where you want it to go, what you want to see happen overall or just individual events. character adjustments, whatever. but please help me out! i wanna make y'all happy with the book. okay! that's it, bye.
