Toby's POV:
the dark clouds loomed over the house now, wrapping every inch in a thick coat of darkness. we used the little light available to pack up the most important things to us, and try to protect the windows and doors upstairs as much as possible. when the rain began to beat down, and hard, on the house we retreated to the basement. thankfully for y/n, many of her valuables were already downstairs, so she mostly had pictures and poetry in her bag. the rest of us, depended on the person. the most prominent one though, was a small box that mason clutched close to his chest. inside, held one of kobys last belongings he had snagged when we dropped by his old house for raiding and survivor check purposes. no one knows exactly what's in it.
poor mason. he doesn't even know if his brother is out there or not, nor his parents. still, he clings onto that box, like it's the the only thing keeping him alive. and in a way, it is. i smile sadly at him, as his eye flicker along the walls of the basement, taking in details. we all float towards the coach, where we squeeze together. matt and jay find themselves some chairs, but the rest all try to find an inch in personal space on the couch. y/n pretty much ends up on my lap.
"sorry," she whispers to me, almost embarrassed.
"not a big deal at all." i smile at her, while wrapping my arms around her waist to be more comfortable. i'm aware of how this looks, and i can see that a few other people in the room do too, but she seems fine with it. so i keep them there.
Your POV:
i shiver slightly at the booming sound of thunder and the pounding of rain over head. i used to love thunder and lightning. i used to love the sound of the rain, beating down on my bedroom window and ceiling. it was comforting. but lately, it's been terrifying. every time a storm casts itself over me, i go a little bit more crazy. crazy with grief. crazy with loneliness. i lose more of myself each time, and i now pray even more to someone, something, that it won't happen this time. not with them. tobys arms around my waist are comforting, and i've suddenly decided that i enjoyed being hugged and cuddled by these boys around me. it's kind of like i'm their little stuffed animal or some shit, and they'll just do it sometimes. i used to resent it almost, hated feeling like someone wanted anything to do with me. dreaded the day they would inevitably leave me, all alone again. i never got my hopes up, until now. i could really get used to it, feeling loved and cared about.
after a few minutes, that feeling melted away. and i realized my bliss could only last so long. i could feel my sanity slowly slipping, leaving cracks in the foundation surrounding my heart. my barriers are crumbling. every single memory i've had with my family, every single memory with my best friend, all of it came rushing forth in a wave of pure despair. i gasp and try to stand, before almost losing my balance. i feel a strong grip on my arm, holding me upright. through all the memories a voice rings out.
"y/n? what's wrong?" it was cam's. i calm and turn toward him, clearing my throat.
"yes. i'm just, scared of storms. i'm going to go sleep this out." mason stands.
"i'll come lay in there with you until you fall asleep, if that's okay with you." he says the last part with a hushed tone.
"y-yeah. that's cool." i stumble into the one section of the basement with the bed. i wipe the cold sweat off my head, before getting into the bed. i feel the bed dip beside me. i roll over to see mason laying on the covers of the bed, head resting on his arms.
"how are you feeling?" he says, as he reaches for my hand to give it comforting, rubs. i sigh.
"i'm alright. thank you." i shut my eyes tightly as i beg myself to let the memories go away. i know there is worse to come.
storms are when i've gotten the closest. all except for my birthday, which was a clear, sunny day.
mason has helped hold off the thoughts and the intensity of the memories and emotions. but it didn't stop them from coming. i was lulled into an almost trance, locked in a state where all i could do was listen.
it's time. you know it is.
it's overdue frankly.
you've overstayed your welcome.
you're a chore.
you're taking up their oxygen, their food, their water, their time.
as if they'd ever want you.
what do you even do to help?
useless.
i can feel my heart rate picking up.
remember what happened last time when you let someone in?
they destroyed you.
no, you destroyed them.
she's dead because of you.
dead dead dead dead dead dead daed ddea aedd daeddaedaedaeeaddaeddadaedaeddaeed.
mom.
i choke on the last thought. mason shoots up and holds onto me as i gasp for air. my lungs scream and burn for it. but i can't allow myself too. not after what i did. i did it to her. i did it to her. to her.
i reach over and grip onto masons clothes. he pulls me into his chest. i continue to gasp, but now i sob. i did this to her. i killed her. she's dead because of me. i get lightheaded. i know im on the verge of collapse. when finally, my first full breath reaches my lungs. they hurt, but take up every bit of oxygen i allow them to. and i realize now, it's because of mason. i was too caught up in what was rushing through my head that i couldn't hear the sweet things he was whispering in that lovely accent of his. i couldn't even feel the soft rubbing of his hand up and down my back. by my brain picked it up. and now i was safe. even from myself. here in masons arms. i suddenly feel another pair of arms wrap around me. i jump at first, because the panic hasn't quite settled yet, and i turn to see cam. he retracts first a bit before wrapping me up into him, and mason too at that, and holding me there.
i kept felting more arms and more weight, before quickly realizing what was happening. a group hug, how fucking cheesy. but i calmed down. these guys were here for me. i sigh and place my head into the crook of masons neck.
"thank you. you all mean everything to me." they all hold on, until i'm fast asleep. just before i lose my last bits of consciousness, i hear no rain. no thunder. i see no flash of lightning. and i smile, knowing i'll be alright. for now.
