Channie and Chaennie's Time

#33 - Hard Efforts

Rosé POV

Here I am now, again.

I don't know how long I've been in this place. Although here I'm feeling so peaceful, but I feel I need to go back. Back to the reality that maybe it's more colorful and so many things I can find...or another something new that I'll find.

I feel there are so many prayers, special prayers that come to me. I think it's almost everyday. Well since I've been in this place, I don't quite understand about time. But I feel like it's been a very long time I've been in this quiet and peaceful place.

I also feel there is a special prayer who says that I should come back home very soon. The pray says "God, please cure my hubby soon. Rosie. Park Chaeyoung. You're The Source of all power, To You we asked for a help. May she speedy recovery..."

I need to go back, I need to get out from here. I'm trying to look for the way to get out from this unknown place.

"Park Chaeyoung, where are you going my dear?" a man with all white outfit suddenly asking me.

"I need to go back. I need to get out from here" I answer.

"But you'll feel safe here. There is no hurt feeling, it's all about peaceful here, until there is the time will come to us to meet God" the man says.

I'm doubt. What he said is right. I won't feel hurt or won't feel disappointed if I stay here. But there is a part of me says I need to go back to another world than here.

"Please... But I want to get out from here. Please tell me how the way!" I say. I'm starting impatient.

"My dear, don't follow your lust... We all who live here don't follow our lust. It comes naturally from our clean heart which this is our real place"

He put his hand on my shoulder, standing in front of me. His face looks very soft and clean to see. I can tell he is very handsome. I wonder, is he an angel that God sent to me? In addition, I meet him in this all white-unlimited place.

"I just miss someone, very much" I say.

"There are so many people who say like that here... But they all decided to live here in the end. And not coming back... We live in full of happiness and peaceful without disappointed. You have felt it so far, right?"

"Ne, but I'm different than them!" I say again with a little high tone.

"Park Chaeyoung, you're not allowed to raise your voice like that in this place...." He says in soft voice again.

"Just... Tell me now how the way to get out from here. I still have life! This place is not a life for me! I don't know what this place is! I just simply don't understand it!"

After that, I run away leave him alone behind me. I need to come back, I really want to meet my wifey, Jennie. I bet she is waiting for me with the saddest feeling and craved for my coming so much. My sisters Lisa and Jisoo unnie... Oh My God, Jisoo unnie I miss you so bad. I need to go back....

It's already enough for me to be in this unknown place since I feel it's been a very long time that I don't know for how long exactly. Suddenly, when I'm still running and looking at a whiter light in the distance, there are so many hands attempting to pull my hands, my shoulders, even my waist. I'm shocked and panic.

"Please stay here with us, Park Chaeyoung... Please don't go... You admire peaceful life just like us, right? It's a perfect place for you...." A middle age woman says. Her hands keep trying to pull me back. I'm trying hard to release myself from her grip but the pull feeling so strong as there are so many hands are trying to keep pulling me back.

"Park Chaeyoung, please stay here... You don't have to think about world's tests out there anymore, world's problems, you won't regret it if you choose to stay here because we're closer to God... Our real king, our source of happiness..." An old man says as his hand keep pulling my shoulder from behind.

I'm crying... What should I do at this moment? I'm confused with all of this. I feel so many people out there need me so much and waiting for me, especially Jennie, the love of my life, my better half. I admit that I have many business to do too as I still have work as a singer, I work in a girlband together with people that I love, Lisa and Jisoo. But at the same time I'm tired of this life, with all the pain that I feel. Rejected feeling many times, over and over again, my love feeling towards Jennie unnie and so on... Those all are running through my mind. I feel so confused about myself.

I also hear the prayers coming from voices that I recognize.

"God, please cure my Chaeyoung. Get well for her soon. I miss her dearly"

"God, we all ask to You, please bring my twin back to life again. Give her strength and health. We beg for your mercy..."

Jisoo unnie, Jennie my wifey, Lisa my twin, please tell me how the way to get out from here.

In my mind,showing all of their faces. I miss them very much.

In my sad feeling, panic and broken, I finally making a pray from deep in my heart.

"Dear God, if this white unknown place is better for me, place me in this place and bless me with Your bless. But if the real world, out there is better for me, for my life, place me in real world and bless me more with Your bless. Please give me the best... You know the best and I don't..."

Then the pull feeling was tighter to feel. I feel so weak because it is only me who against them as all of their hands don't want to let me go. I'm crying again. I'm panic.

"my wifey!!!!!! please help me jendeuk unnie!!!!"

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Jennie POV

"MY HUBBY ROSIE NOO!!!"

I wake up suddenly, my sight fall on my hubby's face who is still eyes closed for about one month already, or more. I'm sweating, my hands sweating.

I look around, and yes I'm still at the hospital and still with Rosie. It's morning already here. I look at ventilator monitor to check the graphic movements there. And the beep sounds. I keep trying to put my attention to analyze it all, in a very afraid feeling. Afraid if the graphics makes straight lines and horrible beep sounds.

"The straight lines are still same, it's still stable. The beep sounds are also heard like normal ring..." I say.

I begin to cry, again. I don't know how many times I've cried for her since the first day we were in the incident. But these tears... I wonder why my tears keep flowing when I everytime I think about my hubby, although I've cried many times, for a long time. I think this cry is a regret cry of those guilty feelings about her.

"my hubby Rosie.... please wake up.... please don't make me keep waiting like this. I'm.... I'm so tired already.... I love you so much.... please don't leave me.... I beg you...." I say by drowning my face on my hubby's right arm, as I feel so broken still.

"I've cried only for her, I've talked much to her but she didn't listen to me. She didn't know how much these tears that I let out for her, even when everytime I'm with Lisa" I say inside my mind. My hand hugging her stomach, grabbing her outfit as a sign that I'm getting impatient, sad and upset.

But... I don't want to give up, yet on this point.

I also don't wanna make my hubby more sad by doing silly things... suicide... that's just a stupid act. I'm trying to give myself a chance, again.

"I don't know for how long I can wait for you, my hubby. It's really killing me inside... you can't respond me, you don't know how I feel, how hard for me to wait for you... I'm very tired, Rosie......." I say again to her. But she doesn't respond me, as usual.

Then finally, I just can keep crying, drowning my face again on her white and smooth right arm. To feel the smooth of her skin makes me missing her so much.

In broken feeling that I'm feeling right now, suddenly I feel something moved with a slow move on top of my head.

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To be continued...