"Harry," My insides freeze and my head spins in mental arguments.
"Yeah?" He asks with a small frown on his face, getting ready to push the canoe deeper into the water. He ceases movement and waits for me to answer.
"We- we can't go yet," I stutter out and look down at my fingers awaiting his response.
"Why can we not?" His deep british accent makes the words more evident as he says them slowly while eyeing me suspiciously. His eyes dart behind me but he looks right back.
"We need to find Jake." He gets ready to say something but before he can, I speak louder and beat him to it. "And before you say anything just hear me out." He sighs but nods and I say 'thank you' quietly. He motions for me to continue.
"I've seen... lots of deaths. I've seen things I never thought I'd see and things that only come out in the worst of my nightmsres. Harry I've seen every single freakin' person die or dead in that house minus Jake. They were killed, right in front of my eyes! And Jake, well he might still be alive. And if he is, then I can't just let him die. It's too much. It's too freaking much." I mutter with glossy eyes. I rub my fingers on my temple and breath in to try and control myself.
"Emery, I- it's too dangerous to go back. You can get h-"
"Fuck getting hurt Harry! Dammit!" I sob out my out burst. I can't help but feel that if Jake dies that I am just a failure and that it is too much. For god sakes, one person is too much as it is. "There can be someone dying right now! Please understand that. Just... please," I beg. My breathing becomes eratic and Harry let's go of the boat and moves closer to me.
"Okay first off Emery just breath,okay. Calm down." He places his hands on my shoulders and I close my eyes to concentrate. "I'm trying to understand. Can you please explain why you want to go back for him. He called you a muderer and threatened you. I'm just not getting this right now."
"Me neither. It's just... I feel like I let all those others die. And no matter what he said I can't just let him die like that. It is absolutely cruel. Besides, we are running out of time and what about all our stuff? The computer with the proof and everything. Clothes. Food. If we get him we can get that too." He looks at me but then looks away and let's go of my shoulders and turns around. It feels weird at the loss of contact and I wrap my owm arms tightly aroumd myself. It is getting a bit windy as well.
He stays there for a few seconds, back facing me, and his hand up seeming to be caressing his chin. He finally turns around and waves his hands in the air.
"No one is blaming you Emery and it is completely not your fault. Fine. Okay. We'll get him and our stuff and that's it. We come back, we leave and we figure it out from there."
I let out a content sigh quietly and give him a rushed hug and kiss.
"Thank you. Sadly now we have to go all the way back the hill again."
Harry grumbles behind me and we start walking.
-
We arrive at the entrance of the mansion a while later and step on the porch. The huge doors intimidate me but I force myself to suck it in. Harry slowly pushes it open to try and not make any sound and we do it successfully.
We start tip toeing up the stairs where we know Jake will most likely be.
"Do you think his room?" Harry whispers and I nod.
"Yeah. Just quiet." We venture up the steps and turn right to go into the hallway where most of our rooms are. Flickers of fire in lamps are the only things keeping light illuminating here making shadows seem to bounce off walls.
