Banne Se Pehle Khatam Huyi, Apni Bhi Ek Kahini Thi

Leaving

Abir Rajvansh wanted a lot of things to leave him. Firstly, Mishti. Not because he did not want her. There was nothing more he wanted more than her, other than not building his happiness with her while spoiling his brother's. Hence, he broke-up. They say, one of the hardest things in life is letting go. Abir, had done the hardest task physically, but emotionally. He was still with her. With her smile,  with her kindness, with her boldness, with her care, with her memories, and with her love. No one had loved him the way she had. He had loved no one they way he loved her, yet he was forced to let go. 

Then, he wanted to let go of everything that involved her. From his shayaris to his hair that reminded him of her. Every time he walked into the NGO, images from their past ran in his head. How she spent her first day in the NGO, the way she smiled back at Abir when he was staring at her, the way she was so determined to keep an exhibition, and how she admired and appreciated his talent. All of it haunted him. The NGO, was not only their workplace, but their escape from their crazy homes and family. Now it had become his hell, as it reminded him of how much he had with her and how much he could have had. So, after a week, he hired someone to take care of it as he could not take it anymore.

Days passed by, as Abir spend most of his time in his room, wallowing in his bed. People came to check him occasionally, but most just assumed he is just hurt from his break-up. Only he knew that not only did he have a break-up, but also had let go of his life, his "Jaan". Kunal, being tired of his brother being sad tried everything to cheer him up, but somehow it seemed impossible. Abir acted to be happy and content with life, but Kunal was someone who started seeing Abir beyond his facade. Jugnu came with food, Nanu came to talk, Mami came to boast about Atul, Maasi came with juice, while Ketki and Atul came with new plans to prank Kunal, and he did all of it half-heartedly, but no one would know, and he would never show.

Nights were the worst of it all. He could never sleep and when he did he had nightmares. They were the same every single day. It was him leaving Mishti. He found it strange how his nightmare was his reality. Every night he woke up in the middle of his sleep creaming her name. It was the only time he could break down with no one knowing and the darkness of the night being the only witness. 

One such night, he woke up and broke down, oblivious to Kunal being outside his room. Kunal was taking a casual stroll at the middle of the night as he was disturbed by things in the house. He was most disturbed by his brother's isolated behaviour, but also his divorce with Kuhu, and his mother's and Abir's interaction these days. As he was about to get back into his room, he heard his brother scream. As he ran to Abir's room, the door flew open and Kunal stopped at the entrance.He saw how Abir had clutched an earring tightly, close to his chest, and tears were falling down his eyes. It did not take to long to figure out what had happened. As Abir quickly tried to hide everything around him and his demeanour, but Kunal ran to him and hugged him. He held Abir's head to his chest and out his chin on Abir's head. Abir could not do it anymore and let his facade fall in his brother's arms. From then, the same had happened every night, almost like it was a ritual. 

"Thank you, Nanko. Maine life mean bohot kuch khoye, par mein kush hoon kyonki tum abhi bhi mere paas ho."

"Apne aisa kyun kiya bhai. Meine aaj tak nahi samaj paya"

Abir escaped the question. He could not lie to his Nanko, but could not tell him the truth. Kunal knew that his brother was avoiding the question, but he did not want to pry. The last time he did, he only pushed Abir far from him. So he let him be. 

Kunal made sure to come early from business and get something to cheer Abir. One day it was Dhokla, and one day it was a small key chain. One day, as Kunal bought him a vinyl record and came home early to surprise him, he entered Abir's room, only to find him with a knife. Abir had acted just the moment Kunal walked in without realising it. 

That was one of the worst days for everyone in the house. Kunal had lost his cool. All he could do was yell and cry. In between he managed to gather everyone's attention and call the ambulance. As he got in, and held his brother's hand, everything in him shattered. Kunal's hands were trembling and he could no more speak. As soon as he let Abir in the hospital, his knees ducked in and he fell to the floor. Kuhu hugged him and tried to support him.

Hours later, the when the doctor said Abir was fine Kunal did not wait for any validation and ran into the room. He saw his brother sleeping peacefully. He wanted to scream at his brother and he wanted to punish him for the mistake, yet seeing this Abir, all he wanted to do was let him get peace. He took the bed in the room but did not sleep until morning, when Abir woke up.

Seeing Abir in the morning, the anger he had at night turned to sympathy. Never had he seen his brother like this. Kunal slowly walked to Abir who could not look at Kunal.

"I am sorry, Nanko. I really am"

"Why, Bhai?"

Kunal did not want to ask how his brother even thought of leaving him alone or anything like that. He wanted to get to the root of this issue and put an end to it.

"I really never considered myself to be someone to commit suicide. I really never did. But yesterday, there was something different in me. I could not think of anything else. I did not want to do it even then, but my anger and pain took over."

Kunal was upset,  but less upset than concerned. He got Abir a therapist called Neha and decided to do anything to get Abir back into life.

After getting discharged, Abir felt sad seeing how frustrated Kunal was at the thought of losing his brother and how much Kunal was trying. So he made up his mind to to live again. He even joined the office to spend more time with Kunal, the only person now to give him happiness. Abir's nightmares still continued, but Kunal was always there. Somehow, with two and a half months, Abir and Kunal got to understand and be there for each other than they had for the previous 25 years.

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Somewhere in London, Mishti walked the streets with her cousin Nannu. The weather was cold and it was almost close to snowing.

"I can't take this cold anymore. I really want to return back to Rajkot"

"Bro, you can't. I don't think Bade Papa will let you"

"I need to talk to him. Can't suffer here."

"You will suffer there as well"

Mishti did not need Nannu to explain what he meant. In fact, she agreed. She would suffer seeing his face. Not a single day went by thinking how he was. She knew what he did was not him. She knew he was going to suffer. She felt bad for him despite all the things he did and said to her. She had a family that cared and he did too. The only difference was her family knew how to show their care, while his family barely understood him to show care. She had people, but she knew he was almost alone. Not that she would go back and ask him if they could get back together, but something in her wanted to see how he was doing. Thinking of all this she blamed herself for even having such thoughts. 

"I don't know, but I have got to get out of here. I don't like the cold."

"Okay baba, lets talk to Bade Papa"